Welcome to Tuesday Night Fights, a weekly celebration and analysis of street-fight videos found on YouTube. Tonight's fisticuffs: "STRIPPER FIGHT = ASS." Tonight's commentator: Stoya, aka "International Porn Superstar Stoya(tm)." And, "Incendiary, Quixotic, Sassy" Fleshlighteer. Not to mention a wonderful interview subject who doesn't take kindly to ignorance.
Stoya kindly agreed to break down what she saw in this here slice of strip-club-mericana. This is her response, in its unadulterated entirety:
Aside from the categorization of Stripper and Adult Film Star as two orders in the class of Sex Worker, I fail to see a connection between this video and my experiences strong enough to merit your asking for my commentary. That said, I've never let a lack of knowledge stop me from forming and publishing an opinion on anything. (see stoya.tumblr.com)
The first few seconds of the video are surprisingly well framed. This leads me to believe that the person holding the camera may be stripping their way through film school. The actual argument between Gingham and Pink is unintelligible due to poor sound quality, but I suppose that asking them to stop long enough to be wired for audio might have been met with a negative response.
Since we're lacking in verbal clues here, I can only assume that one or both came to work already upset about something. A parking ticket, a sick grandmother, or a note from their tax accountant expressing the opinion that seven inch clear plastic heels are not an allowable deduction no matter how impractical for daily life they may be. The catalyst for the argument probably comes down to a combination of too many people crammed into a small space with no productive occupation while waiting for their turn to work and the competitive environment fostered by any commission based sales job.
Also, wrestling is more entertaining with sparkly garments.
Yes. It clearly is.
And now, the rest of your Tuesday Night Fights:
• You bet your bippy there's a fucking hoopster observing what can only be described as that dunes/shower fight from Point Break reinterpreted for the streets of Norman, Okla., with a profane-mouthed lady in the role of Warchild. (SoV, 0:12)
• And the wee wittle sparkplugs shall inherit the earth. (SoV, 0:28)
• Big dude goes to college party. Big dude "picks on the wrong guy." Big dude gets dropped. Big dude stumbles off all goofy-headed while other dudes urge him to be a man and stand his ground. This, while he can't even stand in a respectable sense. As you'll hear, some other dude got "all this on video." (SoV, 0:02; money shot, 0:15)
• If this Baton Rouge Texaco station double is any indication, something damn well best be done about gas prices with the quickness. (SoV, instantly)
• Your "How To Fight someone Bigger Than You" One To Grow On:
• Defending JC Penney's honor, two body slams at a time. (SoV, 0:04)
• An accurate depiction of how bros would pass the time had cell-phone cameras been trained on The Grapes of Wrath era. (SoV, instantly)
• This one's called "2 chics fight like crazy." The title is true to form. Especially when the camera's upside down. (SoV, instantly)
• Poll: A) if you think Ashley won, B) if you think Kari won. LETTERS ONLY. (SoV, 0:55)
• Your "Never Fight Inside The House" Interlude:
• Life lesson No. 1: Do NOT steal this man's cookie. Just ask. Maybe he'll share. But if you steal it, he gon' make a big deal out of your "monkey ass." You got a dollar, homie? (SoV, 0:40)
• Chick fight! (SoV, 0:08)
• When killers get four years for murdering teenagers, victims' relatives don't take kindly to the news. (SoV, 0:46)
• Hear ye, hear ye, "Dude Gets Knocked Out In One Hit." Told you. (SoV, 0:04)
• Your Brianna vs. Briana Battle Royale Commercial Break:
• SICK FIGHT AT PARK, yo. (SoV, 0:04)
• Here's your weekly Russian Street Fight entry. (SoV, 0:43)
• Others: "Walka o miejsce parkingowe Драка за парковку в Красноярске." "Mike Should've Just Handed Over The Phone." "High School Fight in Parking-lot Knockout Ending." "Fight!! Big Boy cryies during and after fight!" "This is a brawl bitch!!!" "Lil-Bill vs. Cheese." "Ukrainian chick starts fight on talk show." "Girls FIGHT in School Hallway with Old Fart Teacher doing nothing." "Fight in Staunton (with dog involvement)." "one on one street fight." "Did A Foreigner In Beijing Get This Public Beatdown For Attempted Rape? [UPDATE]" "Cedar Grove Fight." "Crazy Street Fight In Vegas." "Classroom Smack Prank." "Brawl, knockout." "Hood fight!" "Fight at lakewood high."
• Your "Fighting Over BabY Momma" Coda: