Welcome to a special Memorial Day Weekend edition of Things That Maybe Sorta Look Like Dongs. As always don't forget to send in any would-be penises to the tips department. Our first image comes from MIke and serves as excellent advice at any time.
This one. This one I am including only because of the email that accompanied it. In full, it reads:
Unlike most of the submissions posted, this one actually looks like a dong - Dane
So, I included it really only because, what the fuck kind of dongs are you looking at, Dane?
Here's an unintentional dong from the tuber family. Barzin sent in this picture of what he is calling a potato dong just in time to make a nice refreshing salad for all your BBQing this weekend.
Bryce (not that one) sent in this perfectly designed dong created using a table at a restaurant, dust/pollen/dirt, frosty beer mugs on a hot day and a lazy waitstaff. Sometimes mother nature really is a mad scientist.
Here's an orange peel that looks like a penis. Thanks, Christopher!
I'm not real sure what this is and reader Doug did not really provide any specifics. I'm left to believe that it is some kind of umbrella confection with rain drop cupcakes but that makes even less sense than if someone made supermarket cake to look like a penis. Anyway, there it is.
Reader Geoff sent in this map of the Philippines highlighting the dong-shaped island of Negros. He said Negros like 5 times in the email and presumably wanted me to play up the "black guys have big dongs" stereotype. But I won't. Besides, as any island dong will tell you—it's the motion of the ocean that makes all the difference.
Another Jeff—spelled differently—sends in this picture of some weird pineapple display case with a yellow dong rising like a spire out of the fruit.
More like Banana Baby Makers, AMIRITE!?! (Thanks, Nate).
One night I had a dream.
I dreamed I was walking along the beach with God
and across the sky flashed scenes from my life.
For each scene I noticed two sets of dongs in the sand,
one belonged to me and the other belonged to God.
When the last scene of my life flashed before us
I looked back at the dongs in the sand.
I noticed that at certain times along the path of life
there was only one set of dongs.
I also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times of
my life. This really bothered me and I questioned God about it.
"God, you said that once I decided to follow You, You would walk with me
all the way but I noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life
there is only one set of dongs in the sand.
I don't understand why in times I needed You most You would leave me."
God replied,"My precious, precious child, I love you and would never leave you
during your times of trials and suffering. When you see only one set of
dongs in the sand it was then that I was donging you."
Thanks, Phil. We all needed that.
Reader Jonathan sends along this plush toy from the Pixar film Cars. I've never seen it but, I hear Larry the Cable Guy was in it. Did he play a cable car? That would have been some serious synergy. Or maybe he played a tow truck with a dong on its back. Either way.
Hail spouting from a giant weather dong in Texas. Sounds about right. Stephen R., we thank you.
Tim sent in this tennis ball with a dong emblazoned on it's felt. Felt. Dong.
Vicente passes along this dong knot on a two by four or four by four. I don't know the proper terminology so sue me, Hacksaw Jim Dongan.
Finally, Steve sent in this phallus-shaped tobacco pipe. What, what would you call it?