A Novel Tour De France Doping Defense: "I Was Poisoned"S

Luxembourg's Frank Schleck, sitting in 12th place, was pulled by his team from the Tour de France after he tested positive for a banned diuretic. Schleck, who finished third last year and has been followed by doping allegations throughout his career, already has his defense planned:

"If this analysis confirms the first result, a complaint will be filed against an unspecified person for poisoning," the rider said in a statement on Wednesday.

Talk about burying the lede, cycling writers! There's some shadowy figure, sneaking around France and dumping Xipamide in riders' water bottles, and we're all talking about one unlucky Luxembourgian? And Frank: don't keep it to yourself, man. Don't wait for your B sample to come back positive. This guy's still on the loose!

Schleck's not new to these allegations. During the 2008 Tour, French customs officials searched his father's car. Soon after, it emerged that Schleck had wired $8,500 to a Swiss bank account belonging to Spanish doctor Eufemiano Fuentes. Fuentes was the man behind a massive doping ring in 2006, and was linked to top riders like Alberto Contador, Jan Ullrich, Ivan Basso, and Tyler Hamilton.

But doping giveth and doping taketh away. This past February, Schleck's brother Andy was retroactively named the winner of the 2010 Tour de France after Contador's drug suspension was upheld.