What would we do without you guys? If it wasn't for the all the unintentional dong submissions, we interns would just be frantically Googling "phallic" and "penis vegetable," desperate for anything that looked even remotely like a dong. But you guys always come through. This time around, we begin with a row of dongs shining impishly through a railing. Could this be anything other than the work of a master craftsmen, well aware of the way the light would show through the gaps he left in the stone? No. Thanks for that one, Travis, and as always, please send any not-on-purpose penises to the tips department.
A Bloody Mary dong from Andy, who wonders, "The best what or where?" It's pretty obvious how they did the voting, isn't it? The picture just cuts off the part that says "—dong artisan." That restaurant has the best Bloody Mary dong artisan. It's a prestigious award.
From Tyler, who sadly failed to capture the slide ejecting a series of kids in white t-shirts.
Reader Cameron writes, "Looks like some kind of ancient classical ruin, except more modern and, uh, dong-like." Let's not undersell the ancients on their ability to produce dong-like ruins.
From Jonathan, who reminds us of the old standby unintentional dong: stereotypical chef hats.
From Dan, who calls this a "dong spotted on the guy in front" of him at a San Diego Padres game. Surreptitiously taking pictures of a guy two inches away from you because the back of his necklace looks like a dick? That's great hustle!
On the flipside, here's Greg: "Check it out, yardstick dong. Complete with dickhole. Sorry, no balls." Greg, we accept your apology. This time.
Carrots: they still look like penises sometimes. Thanks, Angela.
Andrei sends in his tale of woe: "I just wanted to submit the attached picture of a Costa Rican rainforest tree dong. These things were all over the jungle, making me uncomfortable at every turn. I left Costa Rica with a sunburn and feeling like less of a man." Probably not the first to feel undermined by the infamous Costa Rican rainforest tree dong; definitely not the last.
From Chris, and of Tropical Storm Chris. If there's one thing I've learned from the unintentional dong roundup—and I've learned many, many things—it's that weather formations are often in the shape of the penises, and that this is the gods' way of laughing at us. Very funny, gods. Grow the fuck up.
From Joseph, who found this duck dong at the pool where he works. Worth noting: this is not that far being anatomically correct. Ducks have weird dicks.
I only saw the last Toy Story and I fell asleep in the middle. Did Buzz Lightyear have a big, green dong? Also, was Buzz Lightyear a cup? (h/t Shawn)
One small step for man, one large spaceship that looks like a dong. From reader Joel, who notes (tersely and, we hope, for the sake of the mission, accurately), "Dongs in space."
James sends in this sad Halloween pumpkin doll he found at a church rummage sale. Only $1 for a doll with a very conspicuous flaccid dong? It's worth at least double that.
Rich, take it away:
"So I peeked into my 90% empty bag of Skittles and noticed a broken piece inside. Upon removal and inspection, I had a couple of thoughts:
1. What the hell is that silvery "thing" in the middle?
2. Whatever it is, it resembles a penis and scrotum."
Okay, first of all—yes. That looks like a penis and scrotum, and we appreciate your submission. But WHAT IS THAT? Have you considered, I don't know, suing the Skittles corporation? Do all Skittles have that? Is that metal? I'm not eating Skittles anymore.
That light looks like a penis. Thanks Jonathan, and thanks for reading everybody!