First off—sorry for the hiatus, we like to dedicate our full attention to the unintentional dong round up, and what with the Olympics, and all the other sports things...you know how it is. Anyway, we're back! Before jumping in, a brief PSA. Sometimes we get e-mails like this:
Our company surveys navigable waterways to make sure they're dredged deeply enough for huge ships to pass through. What you see here is a series of the waterway's channel profile (i.e. a cross section) which linked together look like a chain of dongs. If these images were printed to scale, these dongs would be about 40 feet tall.
Sounds impressive! Sadly, there was no picture attached, so we can only use our imaginations. Everyone close your eyes. Can you picture the navigable waterways? Do they look like dongs? I don't know. Pictures are better.
Also, it is the rare, rare occasion when we're willing to follow a link to an unintentional dong you found on reddit. Although this one was pretty good. Same goes for spotting dongs in long YouTube videos. Take a screenshot!
Anyway, back to the dongs. The first one this week comes from Ryan. Damn, Ryan, your cat has a huge dick!
As always, please send any and all accidental dongs to the tips department, ideally with an attached photograph, because imagination-time unintentional dongs just aren't the same.
From Ethan, who says "Credit to Brett, as this was taken at his place and he's afraid to send emails to strangers." That was wise, Brett! Now I have Ethan's social security number. Let the games...begin.
From Ryan, who says this was a fourth of July design meant to look like a firework. Ryan also that at the time of the e-mail, it was the friend's birthday the next day, so Ryan wanted him mocked on the internet as a gift. But now it's about six weeks later. Oops. Nice haircut, ya dummy!
I can't find the name of the person who sent us this. Dear God, I can't find the name of the person who sent us this! If you claim this one, the next dong roundup will be dedicated to you. If you falsely claim this one...you don't even want to know.
Mostly including this one because the person who sent it to us is named Peter Luger. Hello, Peter! I ate at your restaurant once! I ordered the steak! Thanks for the submission!
From Brian, and CNN, who did a round-up of greatest sports upsets of all time and saw fit to include Boris Becker getting a hard-on at Wimbledon in 1987. Tsk, tsk CNN. Very poor taste.
From Brad, who saw this at Disney (World or Land was not clear). Scientists out there—what is that bone actually for? Not for sexing, right? My understanding of dongs is that they don't have bones in them—were dinosaurs different? Is that why they went extinct?! Please e-mail the tips line with your answer in the form of an acrostic.
Also from Brad, who was really on a roll! Thanks for the submissions, Brad.
Can't find the name of this person either. Do you guys think it could be the same person who submitted the dinner roll dong? That would be convenient. To whoever it was—thank you. This ice tray dong really tied the whole roundup together. Also, why would you need one big ice cube and two little ice cubes? Is this...not an ice tray?
Kevin claims that we solicited "Wilford Brimley dong pics"? First of all, thanks, smart ass, that lamp barely looks like a dong at all. Second of all—why did we do that?!
From Stephen, with the strangely formal note, "For your review and approval." I approve! Pop the bubbly Stephen—you're in. Now life gets fun.
Granted, not the best dong. But that's a cat tail dong, and I'm not one to resist the symmetry of starting and ending with a cat-tail dong. Thanks, Mike, and thank you to everyone who submitted a dong this week, in the past, and in the future.