How To Jerk Off In A War Zone: Servicemembers Weigh InS

Last week, we published a military doctor's very useful field guide to masturbating while on active duty. Unsurprisingly, it elicited plenty of comment on the topic from experienced servicepeople, some of which we have collected for your enjoyment. Got anything to add? Leave a comment in the discussion below.

LFC-NWA:

I'm in the Army, and one time in the field, a female colleague of mine rubbed one out when she was in her sleeping bag one night outside. She did a good job of staying quiet until her grand finale when she woke up half of our patrol base.

Knightphall:

Heh. I'm former Air Force. When we were out in the field one trip, two people decided that they just couldn't wait for a few more days, and decided to get busy right then and there.

Things got kind of awkward when a senior NCO walked in on them. After that, the younger airman's career took a nosedive. He was Article 15-ed for sexual harassment against a different female and later spent time in confinement and booted out of the Force for physically assaulting the female he got laid in the field with. (Long story short, she was at a party and he was jealous) I have her as a Facebook friend and wonder if she knows whatever happened to the guy after that......

WotansWood:

Good GOD.

When I was in the military in the 1980s, it was ILLEGAL to masturbate. Right there, printed in black and white in the Uniform Code of Military Justice, ILLEGAL.

So, I guess along with the Marines wholeheartedly welcoming its gay jarheads, some progress marks can be awarded.

MasterQuizBoyBilly:

Heh... when i was in the Navy, we used to say "25 miles away...its no longer gay".

Still, it was bad form to jack it obviously.

The UCMJ is fucking retarded. Oral sex between a married couple is considered to be the same level of a crime as some degenerate fucking a dead dog in the middle of the street. EVERYTHING is sodomy according to them. This is what happens when your ethic code was written back when keelhauling was a human resource motivation technique.

bipolar-cop:

We always set up a couple cots, some cammo netting, and a library of porn for our spank-shacks in 29 palms. Whenever anyone went for a visit, they had to endure the entire FDC singing "Spank-shack bay-ay-bee!" to the tune of B-52's "love shack" at their back as they trudged out there.

simba78:

Oh fond memories indeed... We weren't even deployed, we were at a summer CAX in 29 Palms when this happened: One of the bigger tools in the unit, no pun intended, would go to the port-a-john every morning with a bottle of lotion and a couple porn mags. One morning when he was sleeping because he had watch the night before about 8 or so other dudes stole his lotion and essentially gang raped it... Talk about disgusting. The next morning, the unsuspecting Lance corporal walked proudly to the port-a-john and took care of business, lol... HE NEVER FOUND OUT!!! This is scenario number #10, I think we can all agree.

ItHurtsWhenIP:

Good GOD I wanked a lot.

The joy of rear-echelon troops! Just about every single time on overwatch (when we had single fighting holes). That was, until that one exercise when an OPFOR sniper spotted me choking the chicken. Bloody special forces, come behind our lines out of nowhere, take us out and report the wank. Douchebag. Needless to say, a lot of cleaning duty followed.

As for technique, why not just into a tissue? Our ration packs had them, easy and clean. Besides, the whole idea of storing the wank sock just sort of always felt dirty...

RandomHookup:

When I was in the Army, I had a doctor issue an order to a soldier that he masturbate twice daily to relieve his blue balls (he was young & married). Not sure how his drill sergeant managed that one in execution, but I know he wasn't happy.

To borrow a line from another commenter, thanks to all of you for your self-service.

Earlier: The Coming War: A Military Doctor's Field Guide To Masturbating In Afghanistan