Behold: The Ultimate Curse Word Bracket

Swearing is important and cathartic and fun and totally makes you seem hip and edgy when you do it. There's a whole lot of hot, sweaty NCAA tournament action coming up this week, which means there will be plenty of FUCKS and SHITS and GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKERS blurted out across the country as bracket after bracket gets cruelly busted by that one team that you didn't even consider would go on a run that ends up going on a goddamn run (curse you, Colorado State). Thus, it's the perfect time to unveil our 64-expletive curse word bracket to determine the finest curse word of all time. Now, a couple of things you should know about this bracket:

  • We did not include identity-related epithets. Obviously, we left out all those naughty words because we didn't want people actively cheering for wop, dyke, and all the rest. I omit these words with a touch of remorse, as they would have made the field of 64 a lot more competitive. A final of FUCK vs. the n-word—a battle between the most popular swear word ever and the single-most destructive word in the English language—would have been one of the more fascinating linguistic matchups ever. But hey, that's the way it goes. We still have QUEEF in there.
  • Words have been separated into four region: SEX, BODY, COMPOUND SWEAR WORDS, AND POTPOURRI. As you'll quickly notice, the BODY region is stacked. The top seed, PUSSY, won't get out of there without a lot of work.
  • Your four No. 1 seeds are FUCK, SHIT, PUSSY, and MOTHERFUCKER.
  • There are not 68 entrants in the bracket because 68-team brackets are stupid.

Here are your full seedings, with the bracket by Jim Cooke above:

SEX REGION

  1. Fuck
  2. Blowjob
  3. Cum
  4. Jizz
  5. Boner
  6. Clit
  7. Handjob
  8. Poontang
  9. Queef
  10. Dildo
  11. Rimjob
  12. Feltch
  13. Minge
  14. Spooge
  15. Smegma
  16. Pecker

BODY REGION

  1. Pussy
  2. Cock
  3. Boobs
  4. Piss
  5. Cunt
  6. Tits
  7. Dick
  8. Balls
  9. Twat
  10. Taint
  11. Pubes
  12. Prick
  13. Hard-on
  14. Turd
  15. Nuts
  16. Nutsack

COMPOUND CURSE WORD REGION

  1. Motherfucker
  2. Asshole
  3. Bullshit
  4. Shitfaced
  5. Cocksucker
  6. Buttcrack
  7. Clusterfuck
  8. Douchebag
  9. Dickhead
  10. Dumbass
  11. Fuckface
  12. Shithead
  13. Buttfuck
  14. Dipshit
  15. Asshat
  16. Bumblefuck

POTPOURRI REGION

  1. Shit
  2. Goddamn
  3. Jesus Christ
  4. Screw
  5. Crap
  6. Slut
  7. Hell
  8. Jagoff
  9. Vag
  10. Wank
  11. Arse
  12. Bugger
  13. Cameltoe
  14. Bollocks
  15. Choad
  16. Cabron

Go ahead and vote in the first two regionals of first round below. You've got until Thursday at noon before we tabulate winners and move on to the next batch. Before too long, it'll be the Sweet Fucking Sixteen. So get voting. And use Kinja below if you want to complain about "Fucktaster" being left out. Enjoy, you heathens.

Sex Region

Body Region