Dan Gilbert Is A Child

So you’re still having trouble deciding which NBA Finals team to root against. It’s tough! So many hateable players on both sides. Perhaps the tiebreaker can be found in the owner’s suite.

You would be forgiven if recency bias has turned you against Joe Lacob, the credit-hogging, trophy-fucking VC guy. And that’s fine. But do not ever forget that Dan Gilbert exists.

In that really good Brian Windhorst piece at ESPN today, there are a pair of anecdotes that I really do not want anyone to miss.

A lover of practical jokes, Gilbert once wanted to dummy up a fake news release that the Cavs were signing Dennis Rodman to a 10-day contract and put it out on April Fools’ Day; he was talked out of that one. After a playoff victory over the Washington Wizards 10 years ago, Gilbert had a remote-controlled fart machine installed under coach Mike Brown’s seat. When Brown went up to the dais for the postgame news conference, Gilbert stood in the back and worked the controls. Brown was flummoxed — although the microphones didn’t pick up the sounds.

Dan Gilbert is a grown man who loves crude pranks, and should be viewed askance for it. He is a large adult toddler, a richer Dwight Howard. Do you want him to be happy? Think very hard.