Four High School Basketball Players Suspended For "Their Involvement In Pouring Urine" In The Other Team's Water CoolerS

Great euphemisms in this one, a story about a basketball player peeing, into a cup probably, and her friends pouring the pee into their rival's water cooler prior to a basketball game between the schools.

From The Monett Times of Missouri:

MHS [Monett High School] informs parents about contamination

"We were informed of this incident Wednesday morning, and by Wednesday afternoon, we pulled our students on the girls' basketball team that were involved and let them know what had happened," said Brad Hanson, Monett superintendant. "We also sent a letter home with the students."

The letter stated that four members of the Cassville girls' basketball team admitted their involvement in pouring urine into the drinking cooler provided to the Lady Cubs [...]

Cassville Assistant Superintendent Jill LeCompte issued the following statement today (Friday, March 22), which reads in part,

"Cassville R-4 School District believes that sportsmanship and maintaining high standards for our students is important. We do not condone these actions and regret that our students were involved in this unfortunate incident.

"Contamination." "Incident." "Involvement." "These actions." "Unfortunate incident." Geez.

No word on who won. For its part, the school is making sure the perpetrator is as embarrassed as humanly possible:

According to the letter issued by Monett High School, the individual whose urine was poured into the water is undergoing tests to determine if any health risks are present.

Imagine the interrogation that led to the actual person whose pee ended up in the coolor (as opposed to her accomplices), and the subsequent battery of tests. The kids on Monett were probably better off. According to KY3 News in Missouri, "Monett's superintendent says the district has set up a meeting with health department officials next week for the girls and their parents to discuss health concerns."