Aw, crap. It was me.
Anyway, if you were looking for an incredibly stupid story to read this lovely Sunday afternoon, Wallace Mathews has heard your siren song and has returned a conquering hero.
Mariano Rivera was giving an interview yesterday to reporters—about his meeting with the family of a dead child, in case you were wondering who the protagonist was in Wally's story—and Joba was loudly interacting with his actual family.
"Joba, yo, bro, bro,'' Rivera could be heard saying to Chamberlain on a tape of the interview played for ESPNNewYork.com.
"Suave,'' Rivera said, using the Spanish word for soft, while making a palms down gesture with his hands, according to eyewitnesses.
"You do this every day,'' Chamberlain replied. "I don't see my family every day.''
Rivera could be heard chuckling on the tape, and continued the interview. But afterward, he was approached by Chamberlain, who said, "Don't ever shush me again.''
According to witnesses, Rivera tried to laugh that off, too, but a stony-faced Chamberlain repeated, in tones that contained a hint of threat, "No, seriously. Don't ever shush me again.''
Oh my god. Ohmygod. Tones that contained the hint of a threat! What is going on in Yankeeland? Guys being shushed, guys not taking kindly to having been shushed. It is a mad house. The Yankees have seemingly put out this raging inferno, complete with Tommy Boy reference—
Brothers don't shake hands, brothers gotta hug twitter.com/YankeesPR/stat…— Yankees PR Dept. (@YankeesPR) May 12, 2013
— but Wallace Mathews is not some two-bit flack's mouthpiece; he's going to get to the bottom of this story if it kills him.
Great pic and all guys, but what does Joe Girardi have to say about all this? Oh, "everything's good." Everything's good? Everything's good, even though you haven't even spoken to them about this, Joe Girardi? Something here stinks; Mathews smells a rat.
What say you, Mariano Rivera? "We're a family here." Rivera's clearly being the bigger man. What about the stony-faced Chamberlain? Ah, now we're getting somewhere. Not only was Joba never "shushed"—he was very clearly "suaved"—he's not even sorry about his outburst! Didn't apologize. In fact, he would never apologize.
But Chamberlain, in a brief clubhouse interview with reporters, not only said that he had not apologized, but that given another chance, would not have done anything differently Saturday night.
What a maniac.
I've created a google alert for this story and will be updating as more news comes in. Stay tuned.
Photo Credit: Getty