Ancient baseball man Bartolo Colón started the 2017 baseball season with the Atlanta Braves, where he accrued a nightmarish 8.14 ERA in 10 starts before being released on July 4. It looked like the end for the beloved 44-year-old blobfish, even after an offseason spent toning his, umm, frame like a true champion.
Despite posting an 8.14 ERA in 13 games for Atlanta this season before being cut, Bartolo Colon got himself a second chance with the Minnesota Twins. He made his first start for the 10th team in his major-league career Tuesday night against the Yankees.
The Mets lost to Atlanta last night in extras, but not before Jay Bruce leveraged anal power to launch a big dinger off Bartolo Colón. Your music is the appropriately titled “Anal Power” by Czech death metal group Törr, from their 1992 album Chcípni O Kus Dál.
What are you doing today to bring yourself closer to achieving your goals? If you aren’t going out there every day and chopping wood, getting it in, and refusing to be average, then I suggest you take some inspiration from the one and only Bartolo Colon:
Welcome to our first Hot Stove in Trump’s America, where, unlike the rest of Trump’s America, the men getting rich will actually deserve it.
The 2015 National League champions coasted on a sea of subpar second-place teams to home field advantage in the bullshit crapshoot that is the one-game wild card playoff (can’t wait!). More than half of their Opening Day bevy of shampoo-commercial starters have been sidelined with injury but between a couple of…
Noah Syndergaard was scheduled to start for the Mets tonight, until suddenly he wasn’t, due to strep throat. Innocent as the news of ordinary illness might seem, given that he’s been pitching with a bone spur in his elbow since June and the fact that this comes on the heels of other Mets’ pitcher injuries (to say…
Bartolo Colon nearly doubled his season hit total last night. When you consider that such a feat only required going from three hits to five, this is not as impressive as it sounds. When you consider that it involved Bartolo Colon getting not just one hit, but two, it might actually be more impressive than it sounds.
Bartolo Colon, who turns 43 years old today, threw an excellent outing last night, going seven innings and allowing one run on five hits in the Mets’ 7-1 win over Washington. But that is not why we are here. We are here for the comedy.
The weekend is whenever you want it to be.
The New York Post reported today that married Mets pitcher Bartolo Colon is being sued by a Washington Heights woman who says she had two children with him and wants him to pay child support.
Bartolo Colon is now a power hitter, but he’s always been a source of wisdom and knowledge. As the wizened sage of the Mets’ pitching staff, his job is to lead by example. Apparently content with his teachings on how to dominate from the mound, it appears Bartolo has moved on to teaching his flock how to mash dingers.…
This is just a fantastic mash-up of Bartolo Colon’s delightful home run and the climactic scene from The Natural.
Over the years, we have been consistently impressed with Mets pitcher Bartolo Colón’s athletic feats. But nothing he has achieved meets tonight’s highlight, in which the Dominican hurler hits his first career home run after twenty seasons in the majors:
What’s the hottest look at tonight’s Met’s game, which you could call a gala if you were so inclined?
Shortly after Game 2 of the NLCS, Bartolo Colon attempted to return to the clubhouse. It didn’t go so well.
It’s no longer the baseball preseason. Time to get your ass fired up for the regular fall season of America’s Pastime. Read all our playoff team previews here. Today, you’re getting to know … THE NEW YORK METS.