http://tags.deadspin.com/assets/base/img/thumbs140x140/deadspin.com.png http://deadspin.com/tag/happybirthdayunitedstatesheresanoutbacksteakhousegiftcard http://deadspin.com/tag/happybirthdayunitedstatesheresanoutbacksteakhousegiftcard What to watch as you tearfully raise your fist with pride and chant "USA! USA!" ...
• Major League Soccer: Houston at Real Salt Lake (10 p.m., ET). How to change the station without using my hands? [ESPN2]
• Motor sports: NASCAR Sprint Cup, Coke Zero 400, practice, at Daytona Beach, Fla (4 p.m. and 6:30 p.m., ET) [Speed]; NASCAR Nationwide Series, Winn-Dixie 250, practice, at Daytona Beach, Fla. (5:30 p.m., ET) [ESPN2]; Grand-Am Rolex Sports Car Series, Brumos Porsche 250, at Daytona Beach, Fla. (8 p.m., ET). Well, my evening is set. [Speed].
• Swimming: Olympic Trials (8 p.m., ET). I have an Olympic-sized duck pond. [USA]

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