Here’s a bone-chilling collection of words from Haute Living’s new profile of Warriors owner Joe Lacob:

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“I had made a promise to myself [that] I would sleep with the trophy that night,” reveals Lacob, which rhymes with Jacob. “Nicole [Curran, his longtime fiancée] and I did sleep with it.”

On one hand, we want to ask more questions; on the other, we don’t really want to know any more than he’s already shared. (Not that this animated hoops nut is going to tell us anyway.)

“I’ll leave it to the imagination,” he says, grinning. “We had a lot of fun with it.”

Look, man, I don’t know how we are supposed to interpret those quotes other than to believe that Joe Lacob’s dick and balls have touched the Larry O’Brien trophy. God knows what else he did with it, though he did tell the magazine, “I’m not a guy who spreads it wide; I go deep whenever I do something.”

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Okay, let’s get this over with:

An old guy fucked that.

Photos via Getty

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[Haute Living]