USMNT unveils new jerseys that even the players hate

You know it’s bad when even the players hate the jerseys they’re wearing

Or going to be wearing, as the case may be.

I guess Nike is supposed to be on the cutting edge of not just sports apparel technology (is that a thing? I’m assuming it’s a thing), but of sports apparel fashion as well. Certainly, the shoes have become a cultural touchstone, and ever since the Oregon Ducks went full-out Vogue every week, that’s what we pretty much assume everything Nike releases will be on the level of. And these days with replicas and authentic shirts being such big sellers, you’d like to think that companies would put a lot of thought into the newest designs.

Or you can just fart out what reportedly the USMNT jerseys will look like come Qatar, which are so bland and off that even the players who will be wearing them are bitching.

Again, Nike hasn’t officially released the US’s World Cup jerseys yet, and after the initial reaction to them, they may go back to the drawing board for whatever time they have left. If the above link isn’t a good enough look for you:

The home shirt, which will probably be worn against both Wales and Iran, looks like a straight-up practice shirt, and is definitely the kind of thing a consulting design firm would charge millions for and explain the iconography of for a good half an hour when in reality they just threw something together in the shitter 20 minutes before the presentation because they forgot about it. Reminds me of the time my college spent millions on a redesign of their logo and whatever group of failed artists and filmmakers that comprised the design firm came up with turning the first letter to the side like 15 degrees.

The away jersey looks like someone tried to guess what the ocean floor might look like through a submarine window. Nike probably doesn’t care though because fans will buy a ton of these regardless, but dammit man, we want something on par with the rocket pops! These were also pretty badass! Needless to say, the reaction hasn’t been very pleasant or complimentary.

And some of those needles are coming from the guys who have to put the fucking things on. Step up Weston McKennie:

Or how about you, Tim Weah?

Perhaps Nike wasn’t prepared for the youngest ever USMNT, and didn’t realize that A) they care about their swag and B) have a lot of avenues to voice their opinion. Don’t fall off your chair if Nike rethinks this, and also proves that it doesn’t take very long to design one of these things.

And it’s not like Nike hasn’t done well with other shirts they make. The France one is pretty killer, and will look even better when Kylian Mbappe and Paul Pogba get into a fistfight during the quarterfinal after Mbappe forgets he’s not with PSG, and can’t fire the players on the France team too. Mbappe will also be offside when this fight takes place.

Nike has all the money in the world, and this was the best they could do. They probably had a team of people working on this, and they all got together to prove the old adage about meetings, “None of us are as dumb as all of us.” Good work all around.