Ron DeSantis is not going to curry any sympathy to Florida State’s cause

Far be it for me to try to think like a Floridian, but there’s no other way to understand the state’s latest misadventure with Captain Ron. Following the selection committee’s snub of Florida State for a spot in the College Football playoff, the great people of Tallahassee chose Gov. Ron DeSantis as their unofficial mascot for a Stop the Snub campaign.

The Florida governor and failing 2024 presidential hopeful is one of the most reviled humans in America outside of Florida. He had a campaign rally cut short earlier this year by protestors yelling “Ron DeFascist” and “pudding fingers” over a megaphone. The man waged war on the LGBTQ+ community and Disneyworld.

And this is the guy Florida State fans picked as an empathetic figure to head up their protest?

I mean they — the state, not sure about Leon County — elected him as governor, again, so clearly they feel DeSantis is capable of leading . . . something.

On Tuesday, the governor further pandered to his base, announcing a $1 million donation to Florida State’s upcoming legal fight against the NCAA. I’m sure there’s no more pressing matter facing the Sunshine State than whether the Seminoles are awarded damages for missing out on the CFP.

It’s foolish to think that FSU will successfully sue its way into the field of four, so DeSantis’ donation is ultimately pointless. Say the university wins its case, then what? Will that mean Meatball Ron’s seven figures will help pay back some lucky FSU students’ college loans?

Not if he can help it. Here’s DeSantis’ charisma on full display when asked about a fix for America’s student loan issue.

“If somebody defaults, the university should pick it up,” he said in May. “If they were on the hook for it, they would make sure the curriculum was designed to produce people that can be very productive. You’d have a heck of a lot less gender studies going on.”

Wow. Nothing says “Woe is me” like taking a sideswipe at the trans community while answering a question about student loans. Whenever possible, I, too, like to dot my statements with causal xenophobia. It helps with brand recognition and is a nice transition to the next group of people I’m seeking to marginalize.

I can’t wait for DeSantis and a mob of garnet-and gold-clad protestors to show up in Indianapolis and march on NCAA headquarters. He’s been trying to prove to the GOP that he has what it takes to hold the Oval Office and what better way than inciting a riot for a decision that’s not going to be overturned?

If I was trying to actively sway people away from my cause, I would call Ron DeSantis. If I needed a face for a company I wished to bankrupt, I would call Ron DeSantis. If I wanted to make children cry, and animals cower, I would call Ron DeSantis. If I wanted to conjure sympathy after getting snubbed for the College Football Playoff, I would call anybody but Ron DeSantis.