a Page 7686 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
For Sale: The Laptop Cam Newton Stole
According to an emailer named "A Person With Connections" the laptop that Auburn's quarterback whipping boy Cam Newton stole from that poor kid in Florida has been recovered and is now for sale on the Scuzz Money Market. Here's his pitch....
Tevez Fists Ferdinand — In Stunning High Definition
The Picture of the Millennium brought to life in glorious HD....
The Poop Mugshot Will Make You Happy
Nice to be back. Your letters:...
Today In Horrifying Mascot Unveilings
Poland and Ukraine, cohosts for the 2012 European Football Championship, unveiled their mascots today. Take a glance now, and study them at leisure when they come to you later tonight, in your dreams. Standing over you. Staring....
With One Tired Sitcom Punchline, We Lose All Our Sympathy For Cleveland
Yesterday, How I Met Your Mother featured a LeBron James joke. It wasn't like the LeBron James jokes we've seen elsewhere on TV because it was just lazy as all hell and made me realize how tired I am of Cleveland's martyrdom....
The Bottom 100: The Worst Players In NFL History (Part 1)
The NFL Network recently compiled a list of the 100 best players in NFL history, as selected by a blue-ribbon panel. This is not that list. Part 1 is below. Part 2 is here. Share your own list at #theworstever....
Drunk Chicagoan Scales Dinosaur After Bears Win
Well, maybe he's not drunk, just living out the fantasies we all had as five-year-olds. I'm sure the Field Museum loves being smack dab between Soldier Field and the regional rail station....
They Could Take Harvey Westmoreland's Beard But The Court Didn't Take Their Freedom
Remember good old Harvey Westmoreland, the Kentucky guy who lost his beard in a spat with friends over the price of a used riding mower? (Here are the details of the whole sordid Southern Style mess.)...
Unbelievable Miss Just Reinforces That There's No Scoring In Soccer
Quarterfinals of the Asian Games, stoppage time, and Qatar's Fahad Khalfan has naught but 24 feet of twine between him and victory. Doink. Uzbekistan would win in extra time....
Last Night's Winner: Michael Vick, Obviously
That was just a spanking, wasn't it? And if you don't think Andy Reid and Marty Mornhinweg purposefully drew up a game plan that could have been codenamed "Our QB Is Better," then you must not have been paying attention....
Wrigley Field Tarts Itself Up For Another Rich Loser
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....
Citing Concussions, Texas Running Back Tre' Newton Announces He Is Giving Up Football
Newton, the Longhorn's sophomore running back and son of former Cowboys lineman Nate Newton, announced in a team press conference today that he has played his last snap of competitive football. He suffered multiple concussions throughout high school and college....
MNF: Young, Underpaid Quarterback Is So Far Outperforming Older, Overpaid Quarterback
At the start of the second half in the capital, the Eagles are up 45-14. Here's your belated open thread....
Omaha Royals Change Team Name To Storm Chasers; Ensure Lameness With Promo Video
In what could prove to be the year's second-worst re-branding effort, the Omaha Royals announced today that they will now be known as the Storm Chasers. The promotional video almost makes it all pathetically endearing, but mostly it's just pathetic....
Botanical Garden Dong The Latest In Our Extensive Collection
We've seen a lot of pseudodong in our day, but it's about time we went green. From the New York Botanical Garden comes this fine phallic specimen....
Giants Stadium Loses Power, Fans Quickly Resort To Violence
Usually at the Meadowlands, everybody's really friendly. That was not the case yesterday when a blown transformer caused a power outage in the new stadium. The fans reacted by very calmly, very assuredly, beating the crap out of each other....
Is This Pee-Wee Team Running A Fumblerooski Or Just Bad At Football?
The Southaven, Miss., Broncos were leading 25-0 and well on their way to winning a recent game when they lined up for the extra point. What happened next might have been poor sportsmanship or a broken play....
Mark Cuban On The Heat's Slow Start: "Hallelujah, Is That Great Or What?"
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: Cubes breaks out the schadenfreude....
You've Got To Be Shitting Me, Washington
Apparently Donovan McNabb just signed a 5-year extension with the Redskins. This is no "sorry 'bout benching you" empty gesture. There's $40 million guaranteed. Guhh....
Rodeo Bull Jumps Into Crowd, Gets Kicked Out Of Rodeo
The Canadian National Rodeo Finals were this weekend, and boy were they exciting. There was speculation over who would be crowned Miss Rodeo, the inspiring return of barrel racer Benette Barrington, and the rodeo itself, of course....