a Page 7719 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The One Where Mark Sanchez Unconstipates Himself With A Spoon
Welcome back to Deleted Scenes. If you're new, read this to figure out what we do here. If not, well, let's get down to business. (PHOTO: via Bart Hubbuch's Twitter)...
Just A Warning To You Big Simpsons Fans Out There
An Idaho man pleaded guilty to downloading Simpsons porn. He faces 10 years in federal prison. His lawyer worked on contingency? No, money down!...
Stereotypical Laxer Is Not At All Stereotypical, Says Stereotypically Annoying <em>New York Times</em> Story
Yesterday's NYT slobjob of professional laxer Paul Rabil argues that he represents "a different way to think about lacrosse players." He's a big shaggy-haired white dude who went to an all-boys Catholic school in Maryland. Wow, what a brogue....
Funbag Bonus: Did The Chilean Miners Masturbate?
The Chilean miners were all rescued, free now to breathe in air and have their medical benefits cut off three weeks from now. But screw that: Wuz they jackin' it?...
Australian Team Accused Of Chucking Washing Machine Out Of Window
Solidifying their place as the badasses of international competition, the Australian Commonwealth Games team vandalized a room and threw a washing machine out of an 8th story window at the athletes' village....
Youth Football Brawl, No. 671
It's a proven fact that nearly 40 percent of public fights involve a bald guy with black-and-white camouflage shorts. [Journal Times]...
Cockblocked In The Car Hole! GREAT MOMENTS IN DRUNKEN HOOKUP FAILURE
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase four heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....
Soccer Team Signs 11-Year-Old
Premier League champeens Chelsea have negotiated a £10,000 + add-ons deal to sign an 11-year-old striker from League Two club Northampton Town....
How One Small DVR Improvement Screwed Up The Football-Watching Experience
No sport lends itself more readily to the splendors of digital video recording than football. And nobody suffered more than football fans when Comcast introduced a schoolmarmish new DVR feature: auto-correction for fast-forwarding....
Chicago Reporter Fired, Possibly For Dating A Player
Jen Patterson was let go by Comcast SportsNet Chicago, a week after her relationship with Blackhawk Nick Boynton became public. That's a quick fall for one of CSN's "rising stars."...
John Salley Story Corner: All Rub, No Tug From The Hotel Masseuse
Every week, John Salley, onetime Bad Boy and currently the arachnoid half of the Spider and the Henchman podcast, will regale us with an amusing and occasionally salacious story from his playing days. Today: when massages go technically right....
Kevin Martin: Shooting Guard, Housing Bubble Burstee
Kevin Martin—who will earn $10.6 million this season—has an unorthodox shooting motion and it appears an unorthodox method of paying his mortgage—not paying it. He's defaulted on the loan for his house in suburban Sacramento. [Sacramento Bee]...
Tiger's Women Going After Each Other Now
Today, in People Who Should Go Away Who Won't Go Away: The LAPD is investigating a death threat to Joslyn James allegedly sent by Devon James after the two did a porno together. In related news......
Tiny Athlete Disqualified Over Stepstool
Papua New Guinea's Sapolai Yao — all 4'10" of him — was disqualified in the steeplechase finals of the Commonwealth Games for using a potted plant to clamber over the hurdle....
You Can't Write A Pot Story About The NBA Without Including Michael Beasley
The following is an excerpt from High Times magazine's story "Pot and the NBA," found in the December issue of America's favorite dank rag. Super Cool Beas, indeed....
Last Night's Winner: Ines Sainz, Shrinking Violet
In sports, everyone is a winner-some people just win better than others. Like Ines Sainz, who never wanted to be famous. That's why she held a big look-at-me press conference to announce some things sure to get her back in the news....
Time-Traveling Hillbilly Arrives Too Late To Warn Crowd About Spread Offense
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....
The Taiwanese Animation Version Of The Brett Favre Scandal We've All Been Waiting For
Brett Favre's penis is the gift that keeps on giving, isn't it? There's nothing quite like Taiwanese news outlets animating stories to let you know what you're covering is news. And nothing quite like using "offensive tackle" as a euphemism. [NMA.tv]...
Michigan's Parachute Guy Has Raised The Bar On Ball-Delivery Stunts
This video is nearly four minutes long. It has a man jumping out of a plane and into Michigan Stadium before last week's Michigan St-Michigan game. It is great....
We Fined Gilbert Arenas For Being A Liar, Says Wizards Coach
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: Wizards coach Flip Saunders....