acl Page 22 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Remember What Ol' Jack Burton Says...About The NBA
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who's not saying that he's been everywhere and done everything, but does know it's a pretty amazing planet we live on, and a man would have to be some kind of FOOL to think we're all alone in THIS universe. And he's trying to prove that at Basketbawful. Enjo...
A Very NBA St. Patrick's Day
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who has a bit 'o the Irish in him. Although a few testy Irishmen told him this weekend that the name "McHale" is actually Scottish. But hey, everybody's Irish on St. Patty's day, right? When he isn't walking the streets of Chicago in his brand new green tuxe...
The Rockets Truly Are Too Legit To Quit
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who's about this close to ordering a Dikembe Mutombo jersey. When he isn't marvelling at the continued mobility of the venerable (i.e., ancient) center, he can be found whistling Dixie at Basketbawful. Enjoy! They're on a mission from God. That's about the ...
Swag Update: It's At An All Time High
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, a master of the ancient art of ninja. When he isn't stalking his enemies in the dead of night, he can't be found practicing the art of stealth at Basketbawful. Enjoy! He's baaaa-aaaack. Remember that Caron Butler guy? He returned to the Washington lineup af...
Winning Ugly. So Very, Very Ugly
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who scraped out his eyes with a spoon after watching the Rockets' 20th consecutive win. Fortunately, the government immediately replaced them with bionic implants, but now they expect him to fight crime. So when he isn't using his now-better than 20/20 visio...
Scalper's Night Off In The NBA
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who knows that dunking cheerleaders can help make the pain go away. When he isn't enjoying the fine art of the dance, he can be found doing the Funky Cold Medina at Basketbawful. Enjoy! • Run! It's Shaq!! On Sunday, The Big Cactus flattened three full rows ...
The NBA Closer...of Doom!
The NBA Closer is written by Doctor Victor Von Doom, the monarch of Latveria and sworn enemy of the Fantastic Four. When he isn't filling his armor with unstoppable devices of mayhem and receiving physical gratification from his endless army of robot duplicates, Doom can be found plotting his conque...
Huge Sigh Of Relief Out Of Phoenix Alters National Weather Patterns
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who is holed up in a basement next to a big stack of canned goods and bottled water right now. When he isn't preparing for the end of all life as we know it, he can be found tweezing his eyebrows at Basketbawful. Enjoy!...
Los Spurs and Rockets Win, While The LeBron Jameses Lose
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who wishes you all a happy freaking Friday. When he's not celebrating the weekend, he can be found playing Texas Hold 'Em at Basketbawful. Enjoy! • We now have an answer to one of life's great mysteries. The Yao Ming-less Rockets are indeed better than the ...
LeBron Scores 50, While "LeBron" Gets Escorted Out Of MSG
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who has no idea what to say about himself today. When he's not blanking out on his own life for Deadspin, he can be found brainfarting at Basketbawful. Enjoy! • New York hearts LeBron. King James gave the Knicks a three-fisted knuckle sandwich of 50 points,...
Ron Artest Says "Raaargh," But Lakers Win Anyway
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who never thought he'd live to see the day when Joel Przybilla could push around Shaquille O'Neal. When he's not having his most cherished basketball memories irrevocably altered by The Big Eraser, he can be found dancing the funky chicken at Basketbawful. E...
Isiah Thomas Joins "Fire Isiah" Movement
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who thinks Isiah has been trying to get fired for years - I mean, would you want to coach the Knicks? Didn't think so. When he's not trying to make sense of Isiah's substitution patterns, he can be found scrapbooking at Basketbawful. Enjoy! • Okay, seriousl...
The Ultimate Warrior Edition
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who thinks there's something morbidly fascinating about a guy who looks like he walked out of a Boris Vellejo painting and is also clinically insane....
Watch That Winning Streak Fade Into Nothing
What are Joel Przybilla and Pau Gasol looking at? The Cloverfield monster? An upper deck blowie? Danny Noonan's putt? Whatever it was, it helped the Lakers end their 10-game winning streak in Portland....
Kobe Won't Stop Looking At DWade
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who freaking slept through the Mavs/Spurs game but then woke up for the Heat/Lakers game and therefore wants you to please, please kill him. When he isn't begging for death, he can be found seeking it out at Basketbawful. Enjoy! • Tim Duncan + Doing Everyth...
LeBron Is Human After All
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who isn't going to cover the Blazers/Clippers game, because of the pain it caused my eyes to watch. (Although I will tell you that Portland won 82-80.) When he isn't recovering from the ugliness of professional basketball, he can be found making fun of it at...
Pat Riley Feels Like A Mosquito In A Nudist Colony. Seriously
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who loves zombie movies and is really ticked off that Diary of the Dead came out in a limited release. Oh well. Hopefully World War Z will come out some time in the next year. Anyway, when he isn't obsessing over flesh-eating ghouls, he can be found feasting...
Where Five-Point First Quarters Happen
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who thinks he could probably score five points in a quarter if he was in the NBA. Or...not. When he isn't suffering from delusions of grandeur, he can be found keeping it real at Basketbawful. Enjoy! • Five points. Five points! There was a five-point first ...
Cleveland Fans Rejoice, Suns Fans Weep. For Today, Anyway.
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who blah, blah, blah-diddy-blah. Who cares, right? When he's not forcing you to read useless factoids about himself, he's doing it to a completely different set of readers at Basketbawful. Enjoy! • Shaq has done the impossible. In only three short games, Th...
Do Not Light A Match Around Manu Ginobili Right Now
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who really wishes that TNT didn't schedule the Thursday night games so far in advance. When not falling asleep during Heat/Rockets games, he can be found blowing off steam at Basketbawful. Enjoy! • Flame on! After watching Manu Ginobili score 44 points an...