ap Page 1731 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

College Kid Who Cried "Coach Attacked Me" Apparently Decided To Steal Two Beers From The Phillies
Your morning roundup for April 8, the day the Associated Press union decided to stick it to The Man, with whom it's negotiating a new contract, by not promoting stories on Facebook and Twitter next week. Consequences will never be the same....

Deadspin I-Team: Who Is The Minor-League Hockey Forbidden Dancer?
A mere seven days ago, the existence of the Grand Rapids Griffins rail-dancing fan was confirmed. Today, tipster Chad sends footage taken from another angle of the spasmodic bit of body expression which puts everything into a wee bit more perspective. To wit:...

Big Yankees Fan Offers A Rebecca Black Inspired Production Just In Time For the Red Sox Series
Michael Lapayower is very excited about tomorrow's Yankees game against their rivals, the 0-6 Boston Red Sox. Granted, LaPayower gets very excited about every Yankees game. He probably does the same on off days, even those in the offseason, just thinking about the Yankees....

We Are All Dave McKenna LXIII
Here's your daily link to Dave McKenna's brilliant "Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," which we'll be posting until Snyder's dumbass libel suit faces a shutdown of its own....

Real Men Support The Cleveland Indians By Kissing One Another On Live Television
Your morning roundup for April 7, the day that attempted courtroom eye-gouging became a no-no....

The Much Ballyhooed Nuclear-Threat Double Dong Has Arrived
Is it immature to look at a New York Times graphic about the potentially life-altering impact that aftershocks near a damaged Japanese nuclear plant could have on containment structures therein, specifically a "worse-case situation" graphic?...

25 Jager Bombs For Only $223.75 Canadian Dollars! An Analysis Of The Epic Receipt From "The #1 Sports Bar In North America."
Here's what I like about this receipt, a full version of which you can view here: You can actually track the progressive drunkeness of whatever pack of Canadian hyenas to which it belongs by their orders. Let's see...they sensibly start with food — nachos, sliders, voodoo shrimp, chicken tenders; an...

We Are All Dave McKenna LXII
Here's your daily link to Dave McKenna's brilliant "Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," which we'll be posting until Dan Snyder's dumbass libel suit gets ejected from the court system like the foul meconium that it is....

Eric Naposki, '80s Linebacker, Will Face Murder Charges; Goodell Probably Cannot Suspend Him
Some geriatric chickens coming home to roost on this one: former Colts and Patriots linebacker Eric Naposki will indeed have to face a jury on murder charges, after a judge declined to dismiss the case against him on Friday....

No One Is Going To Cleveland Indians Games
On Friday, Cleveland opened its season on the losing end of a slugfest with the White Sox. Not the worst opening day possible, however much air Fausto Carmona's 3-inning, 10-run performance sucked out of the building—catching stud Carlos Santana went 3 for 5 with a homer....

We Are All Dave McKenna LXI
Here's your daily link to Dave McKenna's brilliant "Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," which we'll be posting until Dan Snyder's dumbass libel suit apologizes to us all for being written by lawyers who were clearly browbeaten by Dan Snyder into writing anything at all, given what a dumbas...

We Are All Dave McKenna LX
Here's your daily link to Dave McKenna's brilliant "Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," which we'll be posting until Snyder's dumbass libel suit is shillelaghed into the hereafter....

Charles Barkley's Dome Is Clean If Only In The Mind Of One VCU Fan With A Rag
Tomorrow night, Charles Barkley, who recently admitted to the David Letterman-viewing world that he just recently learned college basketball games had two 20-minute halves, will return to presumably talk about UConn and Butler. If he's aware they'll be playing in the national championship game, th...

We Are All Dave McKenna LIX
Here's your daily link to Dave McKenna's brilliant "Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," which we'll be posting until Snyder's dumbass libel suit gets a good judicial colon cleansing. Today's topic: Charging people $15 to watch cheerleading tryouts....

What's Really Special About This Picture Is That Chipper Jones May Have Signed A 7-Inch Sperm Replica
The first weekend of baseball season wouldn't be complete without an "Atlanta Braves Chipper Jones Sperm Autograph" available to the highest bidder. As of 11 a.m., there were zero takers on the starting bid of $1. Fine, it's not authenticated, but this is still shocking when you consider that there...

The Kentucky Wildcats Refused To Go Down Without A Fight Or An Internationally-Televised Nut Tap
Your morning roundup for April 3, the day it became clear that 16-year-old girls at meth labs hope you have rabies....

Your Final Four Open Thread
In the evening's first Final Four game, the Virginia Commonwealth University Rams tip-off against the Butler University Bulldogs around 6:09 p.m....

We Are All Dave McKenna LVIII (Busted Piñata Head Edition)
Here's your daily link to Dave McKenna's brilliant "Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," which we'll be posting until Snyder's dumbass libel suit is smashed to bits to the point that all the pieces of Vero, Pulparindo, Pelon Pelo Rico, Duvalin and Canel's fall to the ground....

This Nine-Year-Old Kid Might Well Be The World's Next Greatest Soccer Player
This lad, who has yet to be publicly identified, is being called "The Japanese Messi." For good reason. The kid's got footwork, pace and panache to the point where the guy who coached "The Real Messi" as a youth has linked to this clip via Twitter. Or, it could just be a farce, which would be sad....

Here's A Picture Of Alex Ovechkin With His Arm Draped Over The First Lady's Shoulder
Alex Ovechkin of the Washington Capitals titled this piece of artistry, "With the First Lady!" and posted it on Twitter yesterday. Awesome on so very many levels not the least of which is the availability of $25 cabernet, per the wall-mounted wine list. If this image doesn't warrant lifting the uns...