ap Page 1732 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

The Cardinals Are Pretty Much Cursed Now, Right?
Adam Wainwright needs Tommy John surgery. Now Matt Holliday is out indefinitely after an emergency appendectomy. Next Albert Pujols will sign with Chicago. (Probably.)...

Here's Video Of A Lady Using Rail-Dance Spasms To Seduce A Goal From A Minor-League Hockey Game
In this video, a lady treats an ice-rink handrail like it's a pole on a stage. This seems to lead to an "awesome" Grand Rapids Griffins goal or something along those lines. The security guards apparently found this offensive. Bad form....

We Are All Dave McKenna LVI
Here's your daily link to Dave McKenna's brilliant "Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," which we'll be posting until Snyder's dumbass libel suit is found face-down in a puddle....

Fourth Official Holds Up A Massive Electrical Condom
Looking very much like Leslie Nielsen did in that Naked Gun scene when he thrusts a giant Johnny over his head to do the nasty with Elvis's ex, here's a Thai official holding up his Durex-sponsored extra-time board....

Timing The Trots For Six Famous Home Runs; Or, Bo Jackson Will Blow Your Mind
As a Brewers fan, it's pretty common to hear from others around the NL Central that no one is worse at watching and admiring his home runs than Prince Fielder and Ryan Braun. And while I can understand where these Cards and Cubs fans are coming from, I don't completely agree. After all, I get to see...

A Pink Weather Dong Grows Near Chicago
By the looks of the screenshot sent in by tipster Greg E., the fine people of Chicago, Rockford and beyond have roughly 36 hours to prepare for what weatherman Mike Caplan says is coming their way....

Alleged Gang Rape Of Daughter Drives Former Pro Rugby Player To Decapitating Axe Murder
While South African officials aren't identifying him by name, this much is clear: A 34-year-old former player for the Blue Bulls rugby team has been arrested "in connection with at least three axe murders."...

Roberto Clemente's 3,000th Hit, In Glorious Graphic-Novel Form
The following is excerpted from Santiago's 21: The Story of Roberto Clemente, a gorgeous graphic-novel biography of the martyred baseball great. Clemente got his 3,000th hit on Sept. 30, 1972, three months before he died in a plane crash. You can watch video of No. 3,000 here; Santiago's rendering b...

We Are All Dave McKenna LV (Pencil Dick Piñata Edition)
Here's your daily link to Dave McKenna's brilliant "Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," which we'll be posting until Snyder's dumbass libel suit gets busted up like a Mexican birthday effigy....

Purdue Is Sorry They Blamed Cheap Purdue Donors For Matt Painter’s Possible Departure
A day after sending out a letter that more or less blamed its boosters for men's basketball coach Matt Painter's meeting with Missouri officials, the Purdue athletic department sent out a hasty (or, as tipster and proud Mackey Challenge donor BigTenObsession calls it, "weaksauce") apology to its mai...

Science! Picks Your World Series Champion
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: The Predictalator is back, this time simulating the 2011 baseball season 50,000 times to fin...

We Are All Dave McKenna LIV (Abandoned Theme Park Edition)
Here's your daily link to Dave McKenna's brilliant "Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," which we'll be posting until Snyder's dumbass libel suit takes up residence in Davy Jones' locker....

We Are All Dave McKenna LIII
Here's your daily link to Dave McKenna's brilliant "Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," which we'll be posting until Snyder's dumbass libel suit has a warder looking down on it in the middle of the night....

We Are All Dave McKenna LII
Here's your daily link to Dave McKenna's brilliant "Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," which we'll be posting until Snyder's dumbass libel suit's lambs stop screaming. Today's topic: Pepper Rodgers, specifically the excerpt about him from McKenna's story. To wit:...

We Are All Dave McKenna LI
Here's your daily link to Dave McKenna's brilliant "Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," which we'll be posting until Snyder's dumbass libel suit becomes the Michael Lohan of the litigation world. Today's topic: Fun with Roman numerals....

Hooters Girls Are Working The Field At Today's Phillies/Blue Jays Spring Training Game (Updated With Video)
Just a few moments ago, the ballgirl at the Phillies/Blue Jays game got shouted-out for eluding a Jimmy Rollins bouncer. Here's the announcer exchange:...

We Are All Dave McKenna L
Here's your daily link to Dave McKenna's brilliant "Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," which we'll be posting until Snyder's dumbass libel suit is found at the bottom of the Potomac wearing concrete boots....

Let Us Rejoice In Duke's Misery
The Duke University men's basketball team has earned a special privilege in college sports and within March Madness: It will never be considered the underdog. As far as we're concerned, for as long as Coach K is patrolling the sideline and as long as his hair stays a surreal jet-black, Duke will ...

White Basketball Players Are Funny Because They're White
Make no mistake about it: "Scooch & Josepi" ain't nobody's kind of people. Per their site: "Their work covers all facets of satiracle comedy, including cultural diversity, and other controversial topics. If you don't like it…WHATEVER BRO."...

We Are All Dave McKenna XLIX
Here's your daily link to Dave McKenna's brilliant "Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," which we'll be posting until Snyder's dumbass libel suit has formaldehyde in its veins....