at Page 2394 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
About Last Night ...
What you missed while secretly watching Desperate Housewives ......
To Watch Tonight ...
Fever has reached 109 degrees. So weak. Must ... reach ... remote ... Game 6: Spurs at SuperSonics: With one more win, San Antonio's Manu Ginobili can totally buy whatever country it is he comes from. Diamondbacks at Astros: Just for laughs Clemens should come out wearing a Yankees cap. Game 6: Pist...
Put That Coffee DOWN
As Sinead O'Connor once said: "Fight the real enemy." In this case, the World Anti-Doping Agency says that enemy is coffee. The agency head, the unfortunately named Dick Pound, says the agency is considering putting caffeine on the banned substances list. Apparently the Australian Institute of Sport...
"I'm Having Dreams About Grant Wistrom"
One of our favorite mailing lists is the NFLwives club Yahoo Group. A recent discussion concerning which white football players would be willing to date black women (don't ask) yielded this tidbit from a poster named "first_chose":...
About Last Night ...
What you missed while waiting in line for Star Wars tickets ... Suns go up 3-2 on Mavericks: Revenge of the Ewok as Nash goes for 34 against old team. Another setback for Bonds: He's attached to an IV in emergency attempt to distill some humility. M's end Yankees' win streak at 10: You may now resu...
To Watch Tonight ...
What to do tonight instead of feigning interest in your family. Game 5: Dallas Mavericks at Phoenix Suns: This game won't end until after 1 a.m. on the East Coast. ER doctors and 7-Eleven clerks will be talking about this one for days. Texas Rangers at Chicago White Sox: Until now we knew the White...
Congressional Steroids Diary: My God, There's More Hearing Tomorrow
1:28 p.m.: Sonny Bono s widow is telling Donald Fehr a story about a high school student she knows who was so strong that he pulled his finger off while swinging a bat. That actually just occurred, right? Might have been a mass hallucination....
SI.com's Tortured Crawl Toward Relevance
Poor SI.com. Two years ago, ESPN.com's Page 2 took them so far by surprise that by the time they realized what had happened, Page 2 had already become stale and boring. (Except for you, Bill! We love you, Bill!) The undignified pant continues with a Sports and Star Wars: The Connection, a sad, tired...
Congressional Steroids Diary: Limping, Bleeding Into The Afternoon
11:26 a.m.: Say what you will about the guy, but Don Fehr is no wuss. He just went through each point of the proposed anti-steroid bill and trashed pretty much all of them. Fortunately, he was followed by the commissioner of a league that doesn t really exist right now, so no one will remember....
Congressional Steroids Diary: The First Hour
10:10 a.m.: Representative Cliff Stearns (R-Fla.) says that sports values performance more than character. No!...
Congress Notices Nose on Face And The Sky (Occassionally)
Ha. We can't believe we missed this. In addition to the five "major" sport commissioners and various labor heads testifying before Congress, the Greatest Legislators and Orators of Our Time has also called ... Washington Wizards guard Juan Dixon....
Exercises In Immolation
We're going to try something today that pretty much proves definitively that we don't like ourselves very much. At 10 a.m., Congress is having yet another Session On Steroids. Instead of just baseball being under the hot lights of elderly Southern men's inquiries, the commissioners of all five "m...
About Last Night ...
What You Missed While Fishing The Remote Out Of The Koi Pond ... Pistons Go Up 3-2 Against Pacers. Scoring 67 points in the first half, Indiana went on to ... wait ... 67 points for the game? The fat fan who tried to slug Ron Artest suits up for Pacers in Game 6. Yankees Win 10th Straight. Jason Gia...
To Watch Tonight
What To Do Tonight Instead of Interacting With Other Humans Game 5: Indiana Pacers at Detroit Pistons. Seriously, guys, just get in fight. Honestly. We don't mind. Be our guest. Game 5: Seattle Supersonics at San Antonio Spurs. Ray Allen looks to top that sex scene in He Got Game. Though that would ...
Romanowski Admits To 'Roiding: Earth Shakes
It has come to this: People are admitting to taking steroids in order to promote a movie. Bill Romanowski, in an interview with The Rocky Mountain News, shocks absolutely no one by confessing to using steroids. His quote: "It wasn't about illegal. I was doing things that they couldn't test for. As s...
"We Went To The Super Bowl. Uh, Flip Card. Daunte Speaks Next."
We know you're watching the George Lopez Show anyway, so we shouldn't need to tell you this, but if you're in the mood for pained line readings and rapidly declining hairlines, Eagles quarterback Donovan McNabb and Vikings quarterback Daunte Culpepper are guest starring on the season (though, sadly,...
Is Barry Zito Gay?
Our friends at OutSports.com have posted a cartoon about media reaction to gay athletes, asking whether or not A's lefthander Barry Zito is gay. Of all the homophobia that's rampant in sports, we've always wondered what A's general manager Billy Beane thinks about it all. After all, he shares the sa...
Bud Selig Is JACKED UP!
We can't quite break with the new windmill-tilting conventional wisdom that Bud Selig is secretly a great commissioner. He still seems more like Jack Lemmon's Shelly "the Machine" Levine to us; a sad old salesman who has himself in over his head. But he's starting to get some good press — finally — ...
Rex Chapman's Jungle Fever
Rex Chapman was always one of our favorite NBA players. The guy couldn't play defense, couldn't pass and was, sadly, too white to disguise rapid baldness with a shaved head. But he could shoot, and basketball is always more fun when people can shoot. And now, thanks to a set of recent of interviews,...
About Last Night ...
What You Missed While Trying To Figure Out If Ray Romano Is Actually Older Than Peter Boyle ... Yankees Win Ninth Straight. Corpose of Bernie Williams hits a grand slam and, somehow, makes his own way all around the bases. Padres Move Into Tie For First. Somehow, Julio Franco stole a base. Seriously...