christ Page 38 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Hmmm, Yes, I Am Extremely Into This Game In Which 11,000 Penguins War With 4,000 Santas
Here we have a legitimately captivating video in which the makers of Epic Battle Simulator (video games are good) demonstrate what their game is capable of. This video is eight minutes long, and I watched the whole damn thing:...
I Bought A Fake Christmas Tree Because I’m Not A Deluded Simpleton
Before we get into the Funbag, some basic housecleaning: There will NOT be a Funbag next week. Go watch a movie, or take a road trip, or eat the entire caramel section of one of those big popcorn tins instead. I’ll be back in the New Year. Also, if Santa doesn’t get you The Hike for Christmas, tell ...
Christian McCaffrey, Leonard Fournette Wisely Choose To Skip Exhibition Games
Two of the nation’s top running backs will be on the sidelines come their respective bowl games, and they’re smart as hell for sitting. ...
A Definitive Ranking Of The 25 Best Holiday Songs Ever Recorded
Two years ago, we scientifically ranked every Christmas song. That remains a helpful reference, but it’s not a ranking of holiday song recordings. Here, then, is a ranking of the top 25 seasonal songs ever recorded, and it is not debatable because it is 100% accurate. (A Spotify playlist featuring m...
May This Philadelphia Opossum Bring You Holiday Cheer
This is Gary. Say hi to Gary. Merry Christmas Gary, you trashcat (his words, not mine, although I’d use the same words)....
Big Strong Santa Will Get You Feeling Festive
You wanna see a guy who looks like Santa Claus deadlift 650 pounds while some EDM-inflected Christmas music plays in the background? Hell yeah you do!...
Christmas Watch: Right Now It's All About Christmas
It is almost Christmas time but what does it mean across America? Here is the news....
Gifts For Very Good Dogs
Dogs don’t really understand the concept of time, holidays, or seasonal gift giving, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t make sure to let them know that they are very, very good pups....
Trump's Transition Team Is Just Now Learning What A President Does
It’d be an understatement to say that Donald Trump isn’t exactly prepared for the task at hand. And we already know that he “didn’t want to jinx himself” with too much preparation pre-win. According to a source closely connected to the Trump transition team, though, the reality of the situation is w...
Indian-American Church Basketball Is A World All Its Own<em></em>
A priest takes the first shot. ...
Barcelona Are Reportedly Hot For Christian Pulisic
Look, I’m not going to tell you that this Spanish paper’s report that Barcelona, the (in my humble and in no way biased opinion) best club in world soccer, are “closely following” America’s Wonderteen Christian Pulisic, the (again, humble, unbiased opinion) greatest, can’t-miss soccer prospect in th...
America's Beautiful Wonderteen, Christian Pulisic, Just Ran Through Real Madrid<em></em>
Borussia Dortmund, one of the world’s very best soccer teams, found themselves down against Real Madrid, the most famous sports team on the planet, in a Champions League match today. Looking to change the game, they turned to a goddamn American child, 18-year-old Christian Pulisic, to save the day. ...
High School Boys Soccer Team Forfeits Rather Than Risk Losing To Girls
The boys soccer team of a Christian high school in Arizona decided to forfeit a game rather than play a team that included girls, citing religious beliefs....
Christian Pulisic Is Too Good To Be Underhyped
It wasn’t even two whole weeks ago that Borussia Dortmund manager Thomas Tuchel sought to keep the hype flames being stoked by eager Christian Pulisic fans under control. Sure, it’s neat that Pulisic has done well with the USMNT, I guess, Tuchel basically said. But let’s be real: he was doing it aga...
Borussia Dortmund Manager Pours Some Cold Water On The Christian Pulisic Craze
Hardcore American soccer fans are rightfully beside ourselves with excitement about our latest and greatest hope for a soccer superstar, Christian Pulisic—especially after his exploits during this past international break. Should he—a teenaged, Bieber-bumping child, mind you—leave Borussia Dortmund ...
Amanda Knox's Boyfriend Is Here To Party Rock
Amanda Knox—aka Foxy Knoxy, the American student accused, convicted, and then acquitted (twice) of murdering her roommate Meredith Kercher in Italy in 2007—is in Toronto this weekend to promote a forthcoming Netflix documentary that reexamines the case. ...
Christian Benteke Probably Made Crystal Palace Sign His Little Brother, Who Sucks
It’s often difficult for small teams to convince players at big clubs making big bucks to forgo the glory and riches of the game’s destination clubs in favor of being the star at the little team, even when said player has found himself latched to the big team’s bench. Thus small clubs must pull out ...
Christian Pulisic Is Already Here
So much of the talk around Christian Pulisic is in the future tense. How good could he be, how soon will he be ready to play every week for Dortmund, when should he look to move to a first team elsewhere. This is fine, since he’s 17 and has been playing first-team soccer for less than a year. Howeve...
Georgia Pastor Delivers Sermon On Nick Chubb
Last season, after reeling off seven-straight 100-yard games, Nick Chubb tore everything except his ACL on his first carry against Tennessee, killing his season and sending all Georgia believers into hiding. Now, like the Good Lord, Chubb has returned, and one Atlanta pastor knows just how to pass o...