d Page 2307 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Right On Cue, Elena Delle Donne's Back Is All Screwed Up
Elena Delle Donne left Game 2 of the WNBA Finals with back spasms after just three minutes in the first quarter Tuesday night, not 24 hours after I (a blithering, cheeky idiot!) proclaimed the Washington Mystics more or less invincible. The Connecticut Sun managed to steal the game on Washington tur...
Rays Outfielder Excited To "Stick It To The Man," Fails To Realize "The Man" Is His Team's Owner
A shitty thing about baseball, stretching back to Bob Costas’s largely wrong-headed conditional invocation of socialism and beyond, way back into the sport’s dusty past, is it has a way of making the teams that pay their players lots of money out to be the bad guys. For one thing, those teams appear...
Deadspin Up All Night: Oakland Going Wild
Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. Go A’s....
The USMNT's Brightest Dual National Is Suddenly On The Fence
Recent USMNT debutante Sergiño Dest played all 90 minutes of Ajax’s 3–0 romp over Valencia in the Champions League today. Under normal circumstances, that would be cause for unbridled celebration, since Dest is just 18 years old and has already risen through the ranks of one of Europe’s best academi...
Andy Murray Is Alive Again
Andy Murray has been to hell and back this year. At the Australian Open, the Scot tearfully announced his retirement at age 31, due to hip pain so severe it interfered with his daily life. A rare hip resurfacing surgery left the rest of his career in question. At the time of that announcement, Murra...
Down A Hole: The Missing Scenes Of <i>Donald J. Trump's Fabulous World Of Golf</i>
There are currently two cable news networks devoted to celebrating and defending Donald Trump. Both are widely watched by the most distraught elderly people in the United States, including the president himself, and Trump has made a point of involving various personalities from that network—haunted ...
Dad Made The Very Sleepy Chargers Get Out Of Bed And Beat The Dolphins
Okay, so I can’t show you what it would look like if the Miami Dolphins played a college football team. But I can show you what it would look like if the Miami Dolphins played in a college football game, and were the college team....
Bears' Roquan Smith Says He'll Play This Week After Missing One Game For "Personal Reasons"
Linebacker Roquan Smith, who didn’t have an injury designation, was a last-minute scratch this past Sunday before the Bears played the Vikings. As mysterious as his absence was, it seems that it’ll only be a one-week blip....
Woman Imprisoned For Killing Pregnant Girlfriend Of Chicago Bears Pro Bowler Asks For Murder Conviction To Be Tossed
One of Chicagoland’s great murder mysteries, the one surrounding the 2007 killing of Rhoni Reuter, the pregnant girlfriend of ex–Chicago Bear Shaun Gayle, may have new life. Marni Yang, another girlfriend of Gayle’s who is now in prison for killing Reuter and her unborn child, has filed a petition s...
Julian Edelman Was Horrified By The Sight Of Bill Belichick's Dick And Balls Emerging From A Hot Tub
Bill Belichick: masterful strategist, Patriots legend, nude hot tubber. That last image is now unfortunately stuck in your brain, never to get out, because of Pats wide receiver Julian Edelman....
Jay Gruden Is Going To Get Fired, But He Has To Finish Eating This Giant Pile Of Shit First
Who the hell knows with the Skins. At the organizational level, they’ve spent the past 20 years blasting away at their own dicks with shotguns, and there is no reason to expect they’ll abandon the effort anytime between now and when the seas rise to reclaim Landover. Maybe they will name poor, haple...
Federal Government Investigating USA Swimming Over Sexual Abuse Claims And Alleged Shady Business Practices
The Wall Street Journal reported today that several federal government agencies are in the process of investigating USA Swimming, the sport’s national governing body, over a variety of alleged misdeeds, following a report last month that the U.S. Department of Justice was investigating several U.S. ...
Jimmy Butler Will Reach His Final Form In Miami
It took zero days of Miami Heat training camp for cheese to continue cascading out of Jimmy Butler’s pores. In truth, the cheese began to flow T-minus 6.5 hours before camp even started: Butler got up at 3:30 a.m. on Tuesday to squeeze in a morning workout, per the Miami Herald, and he made sure eve...
MLB's Empty Seats Aren't A Problem, They're Part Of The Plan
Major League Baseball saw attendance decline for the fifth straight year, falling to a mere 28,198 fans per game, the lowest mark since 2003. It’s a trend that has already prompted much public hand-wringing from baseball barons and the sportswriters who care about them: MLB commissioner Rob Manfred ...
Kirk Cousins Apologized To Adam Thielen For Being So Butt
Vikings quarterback Kirk Cousins was very bad last Sunday, and wide receiver Adam Thielen, who finished the game with two receptions for six yards, saw his production suffer greatly for that badness. Thielen tried very hard to not say anything directly mean about Cousins after the game, but was inca...
31 Guys, 31 Teams: Your 2019–20 NHL Season Preview
It’s here! The hockey is finally here! Tonight, on this most special of nights, we’ll see meaningful puck drops across North America for the first time since June, and I could not be happier. Thank you for clicking on this preview, and in doing so choosing to enjoy or learn about the best game you ...
Trent Grisham Isn't Going To Forget This One For A While
Trent Grisham, welcome to October. The 22-year-old midseason call-up, who was such a big part of the Brewers’ postseason push, especially after Christian Yelich went down, learned quickly and the hard way that the reason the crowds are bigger and louder is that every play’s import is magnified, and ...
Darren Rovell Spends $84 On Sushi, Mewls Over $1.68 Fee
Foam-brained brand remora Darren Rovell spent the first half of his day blowing a disturbing but unsurprising amount of hot air about California’s SB 206, fretting stupidly over billboard valuations and the dangers of “sham endorsements.” Having worked up a mighty appetite, Rovell then treated himse...
Nationals Eliminate Brewers Thanks To Brutal, Brutal Outfield Error
The Milwaukee Brewers had it. They had it! For seven-plus innings, their pitchers successfully shut the Nationals down with a steady diet of high heat, and preserved a two-run lead that started to feel like 50 or 100 runs as the game progressed. The Brewers got to Josh Hader in the bottom of the eig...