dea Page 481 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Hitchin' A Ride
• Foul, or not a foul? Doesn't matter now. • Oddsmaker came back! • This car is awesome. • Michael Jackson, UFC fan. • Loving YMCA. • Ryan Howard, a Tractor Traylor heir. • Alfonso Soriano is sensitive. • Back from France. • Scary. • Here comes Reilly! • Borat and heavyweight champs....

We Think People Should Mate For Life, Like Pigeons Or Catholics.
We're older than her father, can you believe that? We're dating a girl, wherein, we can beat up her father....

Former Major Leaguer Killed By Lightning, As We Are Left To Ponder, WTF?
As we open the file of stuff you never in a million years thought would happen: Former major leaguer Geremi Gonzalez was killed by lightning on Sunday while riding a personal watercraft on a lake in his native Venezuela. You may recall that Gonzalez won 11 games for the Cubs as a rookie in 1997, but...

Watching Willie Randolph's End Of Days
The speculation surrounding Mets' manager Willie Randolph's chances of survival once he returns back to the not-so-cozy confines of Shea has reached an all-time high. You can't read anything about the Mets embattled manager without a forboding headline attached to it and the Mets' brass has been ret...

Perhaps Simmons Should Write A Newspaper Column
• Tony K kisses newspapers goodbye. • Utah fans are scary. • Dee Mirich returns! • Reggie MIller, drinkin' • Hirshey nailed the end of the EPL season. • Barkley and Vegas, two great tastes that taste great together. • Sit a few plays out, big guy. • Thank you, Milwaukee! • When Charles Haley attacks...

Worry Is Like Interest Paid In Advance On A Debt That Never Comes Due
Nobody looks at a Japanese tourist....

Boston Herald Gets Wingo'd Into Apology, Readers Revolt
During yesterday's Spygate meet-and-greet with the press, Roger Goodell and Matt Walsh revealed everything and nothing as to how this whole misguided mess actually transpired. What we do know? According to Goodell, Patriots coach Bill Belichick continues to be full of shit about his misreading of th...

Examining The Procreation Habits Of The Modern Day Athlete For Fun
You've probably asked yourself a million times, "I wish there was a blog out there that would let me know how how Shawn Kemp Jr. Jr. Jr.'s doing or give me updates on Darren McFadden's paternity suit situation."...

To Watch Tonight
What to watch while wishing you had Dumbo's mom......

Ozzie Guillen And His Inflatable Fans
• Inflatable groupies. • A-Rod, cool under pressure. Totally. • Flomax! • Tim Tebow, a cut above. • A kid that is now somewhat less smelly. • The horse revolution. • Mindy McCready, not selling albums. • Look what two motorcycle crashes can produce. • Jamie Moyer has a friend in baseball schedules. ...

Snakes. Why'd It Have To Be Snakes?
You Americans, you're all the same. Always overdressing for the wrong occasions....

GSTF Tour Returns ... In Milwaukee!
Well, in all the hullabaloo of the last week, we'd almost forgotten: We have a reading in Milwaukee this week! It had slipped past us, what with all the dumbing-down of America....

About Last Night
What you missed while setting New Orleans on fire... • NBA: For some reason the New Orleans Hornet attempted to jump through a ring of fire in between the first and second quarter. Once they put out the fire the Hornets couldn't be stopped. • Boxing: Oscar de la Hoya dispatched of Stevie Forbes with...

Death Looms Over Churhill Downs
The death of Eight Belles - the second place finisher in today's Kentucky Derby - makes it pretty difficult to get all that excited over Big Brown's dominating performance. The commentators love to speak of the beauty and humanity of these creatures, yet nobody seemed to mind celebrating before the ...

All Hail Kobe... Except for Shaq
I am interrupting your precious Friday night to bring you some breaking news (if you're reading this on your blackberry's rss prepared to not get laid... again). Kobe Bean Bryant has been declared the Most Valuable Player of the National Basketball Association for the first time in his all-encompa...

Braylon Edwards Does Not, In Fact, Blog
• Hey, What'd we miss? Oh, yeah. That. • Oh, and nobody had a better take than Daulerio. • John Daly, shirtless. • Jeff Reed. Two words, so much meaning. • Careful, Coach Weis. • Pat Jordan is a badass. • Roger Clemens should not be allowed around early teens. Nor should Karl Malone, for that matte...

Show Us All The Blueprints
If you let him testify at that hearing, the whole world will see what he's become. They should remember him for what he was....

Notches On Roger Clemens' Bedpost Keep Surfacing
If we're to believe the New York Daily News sources (which are to be believed most of the time — unless you're a Sean Avery fan), one of the other women who may or may not have had the Rocket inside them is John Daly's ex-wife, Paulette....

Now You See T.O., Now You Don't
• Terrell Owens, vanishing from porn films. • Santonio Holmes is packing some heat. • Butterfingers for a Red Sox fan. • Jeff Passan and Terry Pettis. • Topless ladies (kinda) at Rockies games. • It's Jeff Reed night. • Yankees-Red Sox fight! • As spirited a defense of the NFL Draft as we could imag...

Tom Brady Is Out Of The Closet And Bent On Murder
Anyone watch Law & Order: Special Victims Unit? Apparently Tuesday's episode involved a thinly disguised version of Tom Brady, who was a gay quarterback implicated in a murder. Sample dialogue: "Lincoln Haver is gay? I thought he was dating Natasha Gorski, that hot supermodel." "You can't blame Linc...