When Is The Best Time To Take A Dump?
Today, we’re talking about wallets, watching sports alone, asshole coaches, and more.
Confessions Of A Tooth Grinder
I grind my teeth at night. This is because I live in America, and every day living here tells my subconscious that it…
They’re Gonna Fuck Up This New Joker Movie And I’m Already Annoyed
In theory, I am the ideal target audience for this new Joker trailer because I am the kind of broad-minded jackass who…
Onions, Ranked
Today, we’re talking about pizza, worst places to die, the NCAA tournament, and more.
Would You Rather Be Born Old Or Die Young?
Today, we’re talking about Scott Van Pelt, rich assholes in space, flipping the bird, and more.
My Kids Won’t Stop Gaslighting Me
If you’ve been around these internet parts for the past few years, you know all about gaslighting, wherein people stand…
And Now, Your Worst Roommate Horror Stories
I have very few, if any, roommate horror stories scattered throughout my personal history, which means that I, like the…
Stop Excusing Tom Izzo’s Assholery
The only thing more predictable than Tom Izzo going apeshit on one of his own players, to the point where MSU freshman…
Bubble Teams Belong In Hell
Today, we’re talking about chicken pot pie, the NCAA tournament, dirty belts, and more.
The 2018(ish) Hater’s Guide To The Williams-Sonoma Catalog
[greets you at the door while wearing a frayed holiday sweater; offers you curdled egg nog]
Should The NFL Support Medicare For All?
Today, we’re talking about baths, grocery store timing, quotable movies, Bryce Harper, and more.
Stop Enabling Barstool's Shit
Barstool Sports, a site for boys who wanna grow up to be Donald Trump Jr., is getting shit on this week. This is a…
What Is The Optimum Office Food?
Today, we’re talking about basketball, Joe Lunardi sucking, conductors, vengeance, and more.
College Basketball Coaches Are Too Famous
Today, we’re talking about Bojangles, Bob Kraft, burnt hot dogs, and more.
The Hater’s Guide To The 2019 Oscars
I remember I used to have a hard time waiting for the Oscars to arrive. I shit you not. I would get super jazzed for…
Let Football Players Wear The Glue Gloves
Today, we’re talking about birth plans, diarrhea, weird doctors, and more.
Is Papa John A Sincere Kentucky Fan?
So Bob Costas spoke openly to Mark Fainaru-Wada and ESPN—to his eventual regret, he says—about being gradually phased…
Should High Schools Teach Sports History?
Today, we’re talking about poop, backspacing, Bob Ross, soft-boiled eggs, and more.
The Future Of Football Is A Lie
Drew Magary’s Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Email Drew here. Buy…
Oh God, What If The Patriots Win A SEVENTH Title?!
Today, we’re talking about the Super Bowl, stoner girlfriends, the NBA, and more.