e Page 7732 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

We've Found The Lass Responsible For The Lone Amstel Light On The Bruins' $156,000 Bar Tab
When the Bruins threw down with an epic body count at their Stanley Cup celebrations at Foxwoods, the world was drawn not to the six-figure bottle of champagne: Armand de Brignac is so played out. Instead it was the solo Amstel Light, a beacon of moderation and taste in a storm of crapulence. ...

The Amarillo Sox Did Not Expect Their New Mascot To Have A Huge Erection
The Amarillo Sox Sock is dead. Long live the Amarillo Sox Sock....

Alas, Mardy Fish: American Tennis Rots From The Head Down
There was a single American remaining in the quarterfinals at Wimbledon this year, and his name was Mardy Fish. His is never a name that inspires confidence or even optimism in tennis fans in the United States, most of whom are still lamenting the retirement of Pete Sampras a decade ago. Fish lost t...

Intel Executive Wonders Moronically "What Intel Can Learn from Miami Heat's Recent Loss"
Let's watch a bunch of Intel employees draw a lot of silly corporate lessons from the failure of one really good basketball team to beat another really good basketball, shall we? First, here's an executive's blog post, written on the company's internal site and passed along by a tipster. We've left ...

With NBA Lockout Looming, Gilbert Arenas And Dwight Howard Start Planking
Perhaps you are familiar with planking, one of those odd fads forced upon us by Australians. (Just like Hugh Jackman!) One planks by lying completely flat on an odd surface and then photographing it....

ESPN Book To Become Future Major Motion Picture About Bristol Guys Having Fun
According to an insider from one of the major talent agencies, Hollywood has expressed significant interest in turning the Miller/Shales oral history of ESPN into a blockbuster movie. It's in the very early stages but, according to our source, one lucky studio will make a major financial investment...

A Year Ago, Diamondbacks 3B Sean Burroughs Was Drinking 8 Slurpees Daily, Eating Cheeseburgers Out Of A Trash Can
Sean Burroughs, if you'll recall, was once the fraught golden boy of early 2000s NL baseball—the smooth-swinging Padres third baseman who could only hit singles. (His career isolated slugging percentage, .078, is only a fuzz better than Juan Pierre's.) But Burroughs has since resuscitated his pro ca...

Memo To Jonah Lehrer: Mark Cuban Says The Mavs Used Statistics Against The Heat
Jonah Lehrer is still arguing that the Dallas Mavericks beat the Miami Heat by ignoring statistics and turning loose the intangible powers of J.J. Barea. Or at least that stat-heads can't prove that wasn't the case:...

Charles Barkley Has Opinions On Things, This Time At A Baseball Game
For a half-inning, Charles Barkley joined the Sportsnet broadcast booth in Toronto. We edited it down to just the highlights (SportsGrid has the entire thing) of Charles holding court on on local food, the Phillies, and other random nonsense....

Jay Mariotti's Long Downward Spiral
A California judge ruled yesterday that there was sufficient evidence against former ESPN talker and Chicago Sun-Times columnist Jay Mariotti for a trial on assault, domestic violence, and stalking charges....

Driver Sets New Record For Fastest Lap Around Manhattan
Alex Roy circled the Island of Manhattan in 2001 setting a known record for fastest time at 27 minutes, reaching speeds of 144 mph over the 24.48 mile distance. A new driver's now done it in 26:03. Here's video. [Jalopnik]...

More From The Jay Mariotti Hearings: Pulling Out Hair <i>Extensions</i> Does Not Make It OK
Last night we alerted you to the news that formerly ubiquitous ESPN pundit Jay Mariotti would stand trial in California on charges of felony stalking, domestic violence, and assault stemming from an April altercation. That came after a no-contest plea on domestic violence charges in September 2010....

Wily Mo Pena Spits A Loogie Into His Helmet, Hits Two-Run Walkoff
Via Awful Announcing, here's Baseball MLB Tonight's involved slo-mo breakdown of Willy Mo Pena's pre-game-winning-homerun ritual: he sends a gob of spit and possibly other substances in his helmet, and then he wears the helmet. Babe might be proud. Babe also might be kind of grossed out....

Troy Tulowitzki Scores From First On A Bloop Single, Miguel Tejada Nearly Gets Thrown Out At Home On A HR
I guess what we're saying is that Tulo always hustles, while Tejada is looking to top the Tater Tot Tracker charts....

Dirk Nowitzki Is Big In Germany
Your morning roundup for June 29, the day we started rapping on light poles. Image — of Dirk Nowitzki's triumphant return to his hometown of Wurzburg, Germany — via MSNBC Photoblog....

Drunk Ohio Teacher Resists Arrest, Sprays Cops With Her Breastmilk
We're not sure we know the precise meaning of the term "hot mess," but this just has to be the perfect application. Meet Stephanie Robinette, 30, a lactating charter-school teacher from Westerville, Ohio (a Columbus suburb), who got drunk, disorderly, and weird over the weekend....

Crazy Kids Sync Up Beer Pong Highlight With Nate-Robinson-Over-Spud-Webb Call
Kids these days! So reckless, huh? Turns out they're also quite resourceful when it comes to the machines....

Jay Mariotti Will Stand Trial On Stalking, Domestic Violence, And Assault Charges
"Mariotti allegedly confronted the woman at a restaurant last Sept. 30.... He also is accused of grabbing the woman outside a Venice restaurant around midnight on April 15 of this year, pulling out a chunk of her hair and grabbing her cell phone away as he shouted at her." [BHCourier, h/t tomuban]...

California Minor League Hockey Team Demands Quite A Lot From Those Applying To Be Its Mascot
Inhabiting a mascot's costume can be demanding work. We know that. But who would have guessed that it had so many prerequisites? Tipster Rick alerts us to this ECHL job posting from the Stockton Thunder. They're looking to hire someone to portray Thor, their mascot....

Sasha Vujacic Cheers On His Fiancée, Maria Sharapova, Like An Ass, Too
Tomorrow's New York Times has a feature on Maria Sharapova and Sasha Vujacic, sports' biggest power couple since Shelden Williams tied the knot with that lady. You probably remember Vujacic from the 2008 NBA Finals, when he and his hair nearly derailed Boston's title chase. He's since been exiled to...