e Page 7759 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Chone Figgins's Low Batting Average Helps People Get Drunker, Cheaper
Seattle Mariners third baseman Chone Figgins is currently batting .202 on the season. Hitting a notable .087 this past week, manager Eric Wedge sat Chone on the bench for last night's game against the Yankees. There's chatter of moving him down in the lineup; like No. 9 down....

It Wouldn't Be The Start Of Memorial Day Weekend Without A Gnarly Skiing Video
Red Bull and U.S. Freestyle skier Simon Dumont pretty much chopped up Squaw Valley's half-pipe. They used lasers, angles, machinery and a touch of crazy to do so....

Your Barcelona/Manchester United Open Thread
Best I can tell from the handy 'Countdown to UEFA Champions League Wembley London Final 2011,' the FC Barcelona v. Manchester United game should kick-off at precisely 2:45 p.m. eastern. It's a match between the two best club teams on earth, worthy of not only U.S. network coverage but a day when th...

Heat Fan Uses Windowless Van To Call Out "Sixters" Fans, Haters In General (Update)
It would be easy to quibble with the fact that brunch comes before lunch in general order of meals eaten, but art is subjective and best when open to multiple interpretations. Translation: this artist might have been layering in a message by not putting the Celtics before the Bulls....

Here's Video Of A Car Catching On Fire At The Brickyard Last Night
With six laps remaining in last night's 2011 Firestone Indy Lights Freedom 100, boom went Jorge Goncalvez's No. 4 after a bit of entanglement sent his ride into the wall. He was alright, but the race finished under a caution. Ripoff....

Hockey Player Misses Five Minutes Of Game Time With Broken Face, Returns In Time For Season-Losing Goal
Your morning roundup for May 29, the day after death told the world that the puffy-faced Grandma Bandit was actually a man....

This Memorial Day Weekend, Don't Forget To Prepare For The Penis Inspector
As far as we know, this isn't real. Carlmont High (Calif.) students don't have to "ensure that their penises are clean and orderly," nor do they have to procure a friend's pubes if they have trimmed their own. It's a senior prank, and a well-executed one at that....

The Heat Wax The East, And Deep Down We Love It
Last night, the Miami Heat ended the Eastern Conference Finals with a 19-4 run in under four minutes to beat the Chicago Bulls in five games. If you were fortunate or unfortunate enough — I haven't decided which it is for me — to have watched the entire game, then you would have witnessed equal part...

The Week In Deadspin
A selection of stories from the week we caught horse herpes....

The Greatest Baseball Highlight Ever Happened 20 Years Ago Tonight
The video's been played and replayed so many times, it almost no longer matters who and where and how. It's a dude running through a fence....

At Least One Bounce Went Right For Kim Clijsters In Her Second-Round Exit
Kim Clijsters, seeded No. 2 in the French Open, lost to Arantxa Rus (real name) in the second round yesterday. She fell 3-6, 7-5, 6-1 to the 114th-ranked player in the world. But it wasn't all bad! Clijsters also had one of the most fantastical bounces we've ever seen in tennis. This is the kind o...

Cockblocked By The Mentally Disabled!
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase four heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....

Pete Rose Doesn't Want To Be Dead Before He Gets Into The Hall Of Fame
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: Pete sounds a little desperate....

Bob Costas Will Blurb Anything
An incomplete collection of book blurbs by prolific blurber Bob Costas:...

Nike Reportedly Tells Charles Barkley To Leave LeBron James Alone
Chuck has been saying whatever he damn well wants to say on television for some time now, and he has a special talent for always getting away with it. He's generally loved, and TNT has a different policy for its commentators than, say, ESPN, which would have suspended him approximately 74 times by n...

Horse Herpes Outbreak Forces Rodeo Queens To Ride Stick Ponies
Oh wait, I'm sorry, that's the actual headline that a Utah TV station went with for this story....

Seattle-Area Cheerleaders Up To Their Old Diapered, Hot-Dog-Slappin' Tricks
Scene: waning springtime in the Seattle metro area. Local cheerleaders, presumably led by Parker Posey, now up to no good with the school year coming to an end, their youth and beauty fading. Their tools: diapers and hot dogs....

The Miami Heat Appear To Have Messed Up the <em>Gears of War 3</em> Hype Train
LeBron James, first you upset the people of Cleveland by abandoning their basketball team. Now you've helped the Miami Heat beat the Chicago Bulls in five games, closing the series out last night with an 83-80 victory. That means there's… [Kotaku] ...

Breaking: FIFA Member Not Suspected Of Corruption
Fans and executives around the world today were shocked to learn that Senes Erzik, a member of FIFA's Executive Committee , has not been mentioned in conjunction with any bribery allegations regarding the upcoming vote for FIFA President....

A Video Compilation Of Silly Tribute Songs To Man U Striker Chicharito
In advance of the Champions League final tomorrow between Manchester United and Barcelona, here's an amusing video about Javier "Chicharito" Hernandez, the dynamic Mexican striker who's been a vital part of Man U's success this year. Hay salsa. Hay rap. Hay awesomeness at 02:20. Make sure you get ...