e Page 8046 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

The Mystery Of The Touch-Free Orgasm
Big funbag today. Right to your letters....

World Cup Open Thread: Uruguay-Netherlands
Semifinal No. 1 is here. Can Uruguay continue its historic run, or will the Dutch squadron fancy-footwork its way into the championship game? Try to stay cool and comment below....

Your Culturally Insensitive World Cup Goal Roundup, July 2-3
Before our first semifinal match today, let's look back on the weekend's action with all the goals scored to music that might offend the more culturally sensitive among you. Enjoy....

LeBron To Announce Decision Via Twitter?
@kingjames lies dormant. "Wednesday," some say. He shall speak, and we shall behold. #Witness....

It Was The Best Of Mullets, It Was The Worst Of Mullets
The nation of Iran has officially made mullets illegal. But if you've got one, you got $5 off at the Pittsburgh Zoo yesterday! This being said, there's never a good time to be in Iran or Pittsburgh....

Brandon Marshall Won't Take Your Guff, Small Child
This is how the Dolphins' WR reacted to a 5-year-old telling him to "get out of my face." Give it three months and that'll be Chad Henne dangling. [Orlando Sentinel, via Second-String Fullback]...

Uhhh...Go Netherlands?
Never mind running through the streets naked. Adult actress Bobbi Eden promises, um, "BJs" for all her Twitter followers if the Oranje win the World Cup. [Twitter]...

Colombian Police Seize World Cup Trophy Made Of Cocaine
Colombian drugs police have uncovered a World Cup replica the exact size and weight of the real thing — but made entirely out of cocaine. Looks Diego Maradona's mates are going to have to find him another consolation prize…...

In The 209, They Make Commemorative T-Shirts!
Yes, the A's are selling "Get Off My Mound" t-shirts. They were a big hit in the visiting locker room last night among the Yankees, but Dallas Braden his own self isn't too pleased....

Weekend Winner: Free Agents Breaking The Bank
In sports, everyone is a winner-some people just win better than others. Like NBA free agents, who are just flat out getting paid. I thought we were headed for a work stoppage? Actually, that's probably why these contracts are flying....

Angry Sheep Still Trampling Our Nation's Children
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

The Day There Were No Sports
Everyone enjoy that rollicking Baltimore/Detroit slugfest? The World Cup off day? When the Russian hockey guy probably signed with that team? Yeah, me either....

JaMarcus Russell Arrested For Purple Drank
Russell was nabbed at his Mobile, Ala. home this afternoon after an undercover operation. The controlled substance: cough syrup with codeine. Get Outside The Lines on the case! [Press-Register]...

MLS Courts The Elusive "Immature Manchild" Demographic
Admit it, you LOL'ed heartily. At least I did. Ah, fuck it, it's too hot for this. (h/t Miles)...

Bob Probert, Dead At 45
Probert, NHL enforcer extraordinaire, was pronounced dead after collapsing on a boat near his hometown of Windsor, Ontario. Tie Domi and Stu Grimson sleep a little sounder tonight....

The 4th Of July Hot Dog Eating Contest Was Just A Big Old Mess Of Sweat And Vomit
We deputized AnimalNY's Bucky Turco to document the goings-on in Coney Island yesterday. This is what he came back with. ("Sorry, just woke up," he writes.)...

They Don't Call Floyd Mayweather "Money" For Nothing
"Just gambling a bit," Mayweather Tweeted not 10 minutes ago. I'm not saying anyone should rob Floyd Mayweather. I'm just saying, now's probably a pretty good time to do it....

Legendary Cup Stacking At A CFL Game
America, fuck yeah! Stacking empties at a football game, creating a cup snake that runs for rows! Oh wait, it's in Canada. Carry on, then....

Brian Burke Honors Late Son By Marching In Pride Parade
Eight months after his son came out publicly, and five months after his death, Brian Burke marched in yesterday's Toronto Pride Parade. Awesome....

A Late Birthday Present For Our Country: Ronaldo's Son Is An American Citizen!
Not only is Cristiano Ronaldo's baby mama an American, but the kid was born on American soil. Project 2030 (coached by Michael Bradley), here we come! [AP]...