ea Page 1877 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

The Boob-Showcasing Ukulele Girl Said She'd Return With An Encore If She Got 50K Hits, So Return She Has
When Sarah K. first solicited your assistance back in April, it was in an effort to win $10,000 from some freakish marketing contest in New Zealand. Something called Hitachi, or something....

Deadspin Gives Back
If you're in the catering and/or bulk "grill chicken salad" business, here's your chance to get a jump on Bil Wilson's mother's birthday next year....

A Sneak Peek At The <em>Moneyball</em> Movie
Entertainment Tonight scored a preview of the Moneyball movie about Billy Beane and the A's that nobody thought would ever get made. It's the most teasing of teasers, with Brad Pitt (Billy Beane) slurring his lines, Jonah Hill (a character based on Paul DePodesta, who refused to let his likeness be...

Brett Keisel's Neptunian Beard Will Be Forever Commemorated On This Idiot's Forearm
Johnny Menesini, a caterer from Pittsburgh, had Brett Keisel's bearded mug (which is no longer so bearded) tattooed on his forearm recently. We must say that it looks very nice — despite being a giant face on an elbow crease....

Now LeBron Is Insulting Your Intelligence, Too
LeBron James "clarified" his postgame comments about how people who rooted against him were losers with "personal problems"—that is, he shied away from his own quote as if it were a wide-open clutch-time three-point opportunity:...

Roberto Luongo And The Last Stand Of the Superstar Goalie
Playoff hockey belongs to goalies. But recently it's belonged to goalies you've barely heard of beforehand—think of Jean-Sebastien Giguere, Miikka Kiprusoff, Cam Ward, Ilya Bryzgalov, Nikolai Khabibulin, Michael Leighton, Ray Emery, Antti Niemi—many of whom you barely hear of afterward, too. Every g...

NFL Is Surprisingly Uncool With Its Players Appearing In Uniform Advertising "Pornstar Exxxtravaganza"
To be fair, those five players are Brandon Flowers, Eric Berry, Kareem Jackson, Jacoby Ford, and Major Wright, and we're willing to bet most potential patrons of the Pornstar Exxxtravaganza wouldn't have identified them all. They needed their uniforms....

This Is The Lone American That Stands Between Soccer And Total Corruption
A lone wolf. An avenging angel. A force for good and justice in FIFA. Chuck Blazer, American hero....

Clint Dempsey Will Not Be Composing A Rap Song About This Moment
Your morning roundup for June 15, the day America finally got what it needed: more Fran Drescher....

Emotional Story Inspires ESPN Anchor To Quote Mariah Carey
There's a lot going on here. A lot of stimuli, you know. Let's break it down....

The FBI Is Investigating The Tyler Hamilton-Lance Armstrong Restaurant Run-In
Move this story off Versus and onto TruTV—the feds are getting involved and talking about witness tampering. Whoa....

What The Miami Heat Taught Us About Fascism (And Maybe Cat Sex, Too)
FreeDarko's Bethlehem Shoals, co-author of The Undisputed Guide to Pro Basketball History (visit the FreeDarko store, too!) and our erstwhile Heat Strokes diarist, closes the book on Miami's season....

Shaq Has Not Yet Tweeted About Alleged Involvement In Kidnap/Robbery/Sex Tape Case
TMZ reports that recent retiree and otherwise loveable human Shaq may be involved in a case that has seven Crips gang members "charged with robbery, kidnapping and other crimes" in their attempt to secure a tape that (allegedly) contains security footage of then-married Shaq having sex with other wo...

Howard Kurtz Is An Expert On Sports Platitudes Too
CNN and Daily Beast star Howard Kurtz, who has built his career as a media expert through his keen sensitivity to the prevailing conventional wisdom, also follows basketball. And "follows" is the word, to judge by his Twitter observations over the weekend....

Minor League Team Hands Out LeBron Championship Rings, And Yes, They're Non-Existent
You know you done goofed when they're making fun of you in Peoria. The Cubs single-A affiliate was planning on honoring the 1990s Chicago Bulls teams on Thursday night, but they decided on an additional giveaway....

Holding Farts In And You!
Yesterday, I took my wife's clothes to the dry cleaners, an errand I ran for her without her asking me to do so. And when I do something benevolent like that, I expect full credit and reams of endless praise for being so considerate. So I came home and left the dry cleaning ticket right out in the o...

How I Tuned The Heartstrings For NBC Olympics Coverage
Ronda Rousey, in August of 2008, was 21 years old. Her home was Riverside County, California. When she was 14, she had named her new kitten Beijing because she was so certain she'd be there for the 2008 Games, as a judoka — like her mother, Dr. AnnMaria De Mars, who had been a world champion before ...

Charles Barkley Trashes The Miami Heat, Part 372: "God Is A Dallas Mavericks Fan"
Sir Charles keeps trolling, this time on both the Mike Lupica Show on ESPN 1050 and then on WIP Philadelphia with Howard Eskin and Ike Reese. There is nothing new here, because we've been listening to Barkley lambaste the Heat and especially Two of their Big Three on a regular basis for the past f...

Our Simple Guide To MLB Realignment, Or: Sorry Seattle, You're Losing Another Team
Do it geographically. Had to split up that raging Orioles/Nationals rivalry, but this is the easiest way to go. Oh, and I had to move the Mariners to Oklahoma City. I hope that doesn't bother anyone....

Far Too Late, Roberto Luongo Realized Depth Perception Was Important To Goalies
Your morning roundup for June 14, the day we wished our father didn't love old comedians. (Thanks to Andy for the screengrab.)...