ea Page 2159 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Mike Tyson Can Turn Darkness Into Light
Are you depressed? Feeling scattered and out of control? Being chased by those pesky frowny-faced cartoon clouds all day? Well, perhaps you could go on medication and seek out professional help or you could just talk to Mike Tyson, who's offering to help lift the spirits of athletes in need. Or, at ...
Celine Dion Will Heal Olympic Rifts With Powerful Vocals
Celine Dion is about ready to choke a bitch if this Olympic boycott talk persists. Dion called on all people to "keep the dream possible for our young kids." She came to Beijing to express support for the Games after her concert in Shanghai on Friday....
ESPN's Featured Comment Of The Day
ESPN scoured its message boards this morning to find its cleverest, boldest. most enlightening comment, and chose this one above all others ......
New York Now Free From The Menace Of Buried Cloth
There have been a little more than 9,000 unsolved murders in New York City since 1985; many of the victims buried in cement, do doubt. But thank God we've solved this case: The Yankees have dug up a Red Sox jersey on Sunday that had been planted beneath their new stadium by a construction worker. An...
You're the Immelman
It wasn't the most thrilling of finishes, but Trevor Immelman is your 2008 Masters champion regardless. Immelman, the first South African to be jacketed champion at Augusta since Gary Player in 1978, was able to protect the lead he held from the tournament's first round. Immelman's 75 wasn't all th...
A Look at Last Night's Knockouts
I predicted that Gomez would quit on his stool after the sixth, but the doctor spared him the trouble a round earlier. Antonio Margarito paved the way for a huge July fight with Cotto in the stacked welterweight division by once again knocking out Kermit Cintron. Margarito overwhelmed the knockout m...
Kentucky Boasts Top Eater, Fulmer Fumes
It's been a disappointing year for Kentucky fans, but now they can cheer on the top-ranked collegiate eater in the country....
Anna Is a Triathlete In Her Own Way
As a young man I once wrote a school newspaper article on everyone's favorite up-and-coming tennis star, Anna Kournikova, for no other reason than because she was the greatest thing to ever happen. Another time my father lamented the fact that I couldn't play in the Little League World Series (age r...
Wacky Waving Inflatable Arm Flailing Tube Man
The Visitor's Locker Room compares Green to a legendary infomercial pitchman, but I've always enjoyed this guy... ...
Come On, You Gunners
It's Sunday, the grass is green, and the shirt is red. But forget Tiger for now, it's time for the Premier League's biggest match to date. Old Trafford is rocking (probably) and Arsenal is looking to salvage their season with a win over the table topping Red Devils. As a Chelsea fan, I'm obviously ...
To Watch Tonight
What to watch while wondering why Tim Tebow's dad doesn't marry Jesus... • Boxing: Miguel Cotto vs. Alfonso Gomez and Antonio Margarito vs. Kermit Cintron. This card is awesome. • Boxing: Antonio Tarver vs. Clinton Woods and Chad Dawson vs. Glen Johnson. Large has a great rundown of the big fight ni...
Bryant Mercifully Leaves the Booth
Bryant Gumbel does excellent work for HBO Sports, but as a play-by-play announcer for the NFL Network he was terrible. Fortunately both parties came to terms with that fact, and we will no longer be subjected to any of his two-minute "mournings" or legendarily indecisive first down calls. Awful Anno...
Springtime For Meyer
• In Progress — CFB: Florida Gators Spring Game. Tebow is sick and Harvin has heel problems that tend to plague men of similar greatness. [ESPN] • In Progress — Tennis: WTA Bausch & Lomb Championships, Semifinal. It's Maria Sharapova and Lindsay Davenport if I'm not mistaken. [ESPN2] • 2:00 — Hockey...
Dontrelle Is Injured, Fat
Dontrelle Willis lasted all of 14 pitches before leaving with a hyper-extended knee, but he was just as shitty before the injury. The high-kicking lefty couldn''t seem to get his kick all the way up, which the Baseball Tonight crew was quick to attribute to his physique, which can only be described...
The Beckham Men Enjoy Our Finest Athletes
• The Lakers still have a shot at catching the Hornets for the top spot in the Western Conference, and they came out playing like a team that wants homecourt advantage. LA outscored New Orleans 39-20 in the first quarter before the Hornets tenacious second half comeback. However, the Lakers perseve...
About Last Night
What you missed while audibly yelping with glee... • Boxing: Carlos De Leon Jr. > Buddy McGirt Jr. De Leon proved to be the better son of a former champion when he stopped the previously undefeated McGirt in the seventh. • MLB: The Yankees proved their supremacy over the Red Sox with a 4-1 April vic...
The Week We Lost A Steely McBeam
• Congratulations ... sigh ... to Bill Self. • Buckner, Fenway, heartwarming, kind of, not really. • Gen. Petraeus on the Wii. • This is a very specific personalized jersey. • Rick Astley and Shea Stadium. • Roy Williams, and Hooters. • Steely McDrunky. • Pat Summitt is awesome. • All right, everybo...
So, Whatever Happened With That "Blit Meat" Pool?
Some of you have been asking: Whatever happened to "Blit Meat?" For those who don't remember, "Blit Meat" was FoxSports.com columnist Peter Schraeger's tale of an unfortunate office drone who hosted his company's NCAA pool only to learn, alarmed, that the first place team after the Sweet 16 had the ...
At Least He's Not Out Taking Illegal Drugs Or Making Some Woman Miserable
When we were — what was it — about five or six? - we were sexually attracted to Bugs Bunny. And we - we cut out this Bugs Bunny off the cover of a comic book and carried it around with us. Carried it around in our pocket and took it out and looked at it periodically, and — and it got all wrinkled up...
Shocking Newsflash: Clay Bennett Is A Liar
Since they bought the Seattle Sonics, Clay Bennett and company have claimed that they did not have the initial intention to move the team to Oklahoma City. (They even told David Stern as much.) No one has ever believed them, and now there's proof....