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Real Madrid Didn't Even Need Their Stars To Beat PSG
In the photo above, Cristiano Ronaldo can be seen sort of air-humping Casemiro in celebration of the Brazilian midfielder’s just-scored goal. Ronaldo’s exuberance was probably most aroused by the fact that his teammate’s goal gave Real Madrid a commanding position in what wound up being a comfortabl...

Kevin Love Shares His Experience With Panic Attacks: "People Don't Talk About Mental Health Enough"
Kevin Love came forward today about his struggles with mental health, including a panic attack during a game earlier this season that required a hospital visit and convinced him to begin seeing a therapist....

Deadspin Up All Night: Death Around The Corner
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President Trump Graciously Accepts Credit For Saving The Winter Olympics
Those anxious weeks and months leading up to the Pyeongchang Olympics seem so long ago, now. With the games themselves just recently in the past, it’s easy to forget the questions that so defined those days. In bars and around water coolers, out loud to friends and family and in an echoing loop in o...

Steve Kerr's Good NBA Draft Idea: Let Undrafted Players Return To Their Teams
Current NCAA regulations forbid any player who declares for the NBA draft and signs with an agent to return to his college team, even if he goes undrafted. It’s a particularly cruel facet of an already exploitative system, and a rule that’s explicitly designed to keep players within the bounds of th...

Ohio Sues MLS And Anthony Precourt Over The Columbus Crew's Potential Move
The state of Ohio and the city of Columbus filed a joint lawsuit against MLS and Columbus Crew owner Anthony Precourt Monday, in an attempt to keep Precourt from moving the team to Austin. Last October, Precourt said he would move the Crew to Austin for the 2019 season and beyond unless Columbus bui...

This Is How To Pay College Athletes<em></em>
For all that the ongoing FBI investigation into college basketball’s underground economy has and could yet reveal, nothing is more obvious and undeniable than this: The on-stage performers in a multimillion-dollar entertainment industry do, in fact, have value beyond athletic scholarships and small ...

Nazem Kadri and Rasmus Ristolainen <em></em>Fight, Also Debate Basic Math
Nazem Kadri and Rasmus Ristolainen dropped gloves in the Sabres’ 5-3 win over the Leafs Monday, but the fight wasn’t as entertaining as the math argument that followed. Here’s the amateur wrestling match:...

How Egypt's Strongman Is Turning Sports Into Propaganda
Imagine, if you can, the USSF and new president Carlos Cordeiro, backed by a slew of MLS owners, calling a press conference and announcing their undying loyalty to Donald Trump, and urging all American soccer fans to vote Republican in the upcoming midterm elections. While the idea may seem fantasti...

Kyle Anderson Hurled The Best, Goofiest Alley-Oop Of The Season
The Kawhi-less Spurs are running on fumes, and it took a 23-point explosion from Tony Parker—who hadn’t cleared the 20-point mark in more than two years—to propel them past the league-worst Grizzlies 100-98 last night. Pau Gasol also hurt his shoulder in the game, making matters no easier for Gregg ...
![Man Caught Jerking Off In The Stands During Bundesliga Match [NSFW]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/qtse1zbtvamzot6witft.jpg)
Man Caught Jerking Off In The Stands During Bundesliga Match [NSFW]
Schalke hosted Hertha Berlin in a Bundesliga match this past Saturday. The match featured one goal, one yellow card, and one Hertha fan calmly stroking his dick in front of god and everyone in the middle of the stands:...

Mike Piazza Owns An Italian Soccer Team Now And He's Yellin' About The Rent
Baseball legend Mike Piazza purchased a lower-level soccer team in Italy last year. He became the majority shareholder of Reggiana FC, a Serie C (third division) team that has fallen on hard times in recent years. Piazza brought with him the promise of turning the club’s fortunes around, but there ...

Deadspin Up All Night: Mother Russia In My Cup
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Lionel Messi Won The League All By Himself<em></em>
It helps to take a step back now, after Barcelona have all but assured themselves yet another league title by beating second-place Atlético Madrid at home yesterday, to accurately appreciate the enormity of the situation and the incomparable superiority of Lionel Messi....

Team Sky Look Shadier Than Ever After UK Parliamentary Investigation
The UK Parliament’s Digital, Culture, Media and Sport Select Committee finally released their report about doping in British sports on Monday, capping a three-year investigation. In addition to the IAAF scandal and the questionable tactics of the Nike Oregon Project, the Select Committee also looked...

Perennial Quitter Tubby Smith Says NCAA Transfers "Teach Players How To Quit"
Memphis men’s basketball coach Tubby Smith, who quit his job at Texas Tech to take his current position in 2016, went off on NCAA transfer regulations following the last game of his regular season on Sunday, saying that relaxed transfer rules “teach (players) how to quit.” ...

That Time Sage Northcutt Hid Behind A Waterfall To Avoid A Bear
Sage Northcutt—the UFC golden boy who just celebrated his birthday the only way he knows how—went on Australian MMA show Submission Radio last week and talked about the process of auditioning for the part of Ivan Drago, Tyron Woodley teaching him how to season chicken, his forthcoming move back up t...

Dutch Soccer Hooligans Storm Pitch To Brawl With Players And Security Guards
The players of Dutch second-division club Go Ahead Eagles didn’t show much fight in their 4-0 home loss to De Graafschap this weekend. To remedy the situation, a handful of the home team’s most moronic fans stormed the pitch after the final whistle to try to literally beat up the opposing players wh...

Deadspin Up All Night: Losing Hand
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Radford Earns Big South Conference Championship With Game-Winning Buzzer-Beater
I’m still digging the buzzer-beaters over here. This one comes from the Big South Conference tournament final, where 2nd-seed Radford had the last possession of a tied game against 5th-seed Liberty, who’d knocked out top-seed UNC Asheville on Friday. The Highlanders ran off some clock and set a pair...