f Page 1258 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Liverpool And Barcelona Agree To £142 Million Transfer Fee For Philippe Coutinho
The once-dead Coutinho-to-Barcelona transfer, a hot rumor of the post-Neywatch soccer landscape, is now, suddenly, a done deal: today Barcelona and Liverpool reportedly agreed to a £142 million transfer fee that will send the midfielder to Catalonia. Per ESPN:...
Florida Beats Missouri After Chris Chiozza's Steal And Last-Second Layup
Chris Chiozza, no stranger to the dramatic, gave his Florida Gators an important SEC win over Missouri when he stole the ball with four seconds left and the game tied at 75 and made a game-winning layup that silenced the Tigers faithful....
Wonderful, Miserable Browns Fans Throw "Perfect Season" Parade Through Cleveland
Browns fans, perhaps more adept at wringing enjoyment out of crushing hopelessness than any fanbase on our planet, threw a delightful parade through Cleveland to celebrate the team’s historic winless season. God bless these poor sons of bitches:...
Bradie Tennell, Mirai Nagasu, And Karen Chen Selected To Represent U.S. Figure Skating At Olympics
The United States Figure Skating Association announced Saturday morning its nominations for the 2018 U.S. Olympic figure skating team, and, unlike with its selections in 2014, stuck with the top three overall finishers from the just-completed U.S. Figure Skating National Championships:...
Ashley Wagner Is Furious
SAN JOSE, Calif.—When Ashley Wagner walked into the mixed zone after the women’s competition at the U.S. Figure Skating National Championships, practically the first words out of her mouth were, “I’m furious.”...
Tom Brady's Quack Trainer Releases Statement Reaffirming His Friendship With Tom Brady<em></em>
One of the main characters in Seth Wickersham’s must-read ESPN story on infighting between the most powerful people in the Patriots organization is not technically a part of that organization at all. This is Alex Guerrero, Tom Brady’s personal quack doctor and someone who has amassed a great deal of...
A Major-League Team Is Not A Business<em></em>
You don’t need any insight into the inner workings of the Miami Marlins to understand why the franchise is currently in the midst of stripping itself of every decent player making even a modest salary. The team was just purchased by a bunch of people who couldn’t really afford it, and now they need ...
How The Rams Suddenly Created The NFL's Scariest Offense
Sean McVay is rightfully getting a great deal of credit for transforming the Los Angeles Rams from perennial throw-rugs into the champions of the NFC West. As the Rams prepare to host to the Atlanta Falcons on Saturday night—the prodigal franchise’s first home playoff game in L.A. proper in 39 year...
Deion Sanders Denies Shelving Florida Recruits At All-America Game Due To FSU Bias
Deion Sanders serves as one of the coaches at an annual high school football All-America game, though it seems that not all of his players were pleased with the (mostly ceremonial) job he did. Dual-threat quarterback Emory Jones, ranked as the fourth-best player in Georgia by ESPN, tossed just three...
Put Alex Jones In The Booth For <i>Monday Night Football</i>, Cowards
When ESPN made Rush Limbaugh a part of their Sunday NFL Countdown flagship back in 2003, the country was a different place. Everything that is currently bad and dumb about these United States was already very much in evidence, if maybe not quite in its current state of roaring psychedelic metastasis...
The Coutinho-To-Barcelona Transfer Saga Is Back On, And Might Actually Happen This Time
This past summer was a great one for aficionados of melodramatic transfer window soap operas. The most passion-inflamed and drama-filled ones were the two Barcelona-based series, NeyWatch and One Life to Liverpool. NeyWatch, you probably remember, starred the impossibly hunky Neymar and detailed the...
Report: Raiders Give 10-Year Contract To Guy Who Hasn't Coached Since 2009
ESPN might not be the first stop for sports highlights, but it’s apparently the place to poach vintage coaching talent. Multiple outlets have reported that Monday Night Football analyst Jon Gruden is set to finally make his rumored move to become the next head coach of the Raiders. Contract details...
All The Nasty Tricks MRSA Uses To Fuck You Up
Today’s column is about skin-colonizing bacteria....
Here's That Video Of Jean-Claude Van Damme Kicking Cody Garbrandt In The Face
Just before Christmas, former UFC bantamweight champion Cody Garbrandt relayed the wonderful story of Jean-Claude Van Damme’s visit to Team Alpha Male’s Sacramento HQ for a bit of training. After sweating on everyone and weirding the team out with some strange stretches, the action star got in the t...
How Latin Became The Romance Languages
The Latin language is one of the Roman Empire’s lasting legacies. We hear it around us every day in the form of direct Latin loan-words into English, like “abdomen” or “exterior.” Every time you say something is “necessary” or you need to make a “revision” to a document, you’re using a loan-word fro...
Brady, Belichick, And Kraft Stop Feuding Long Enough To Put Out A Statement About How They're Not Feuding
The hot Patriots gossip is here and everyone loves it, because there is something undeniably hilarious about the best quarterback in NFL history teaming up with the real-life Dr. Nick and sabotaging the future of his own franchise. What’s also hilarious: this joint statement from Tom Brady, Bill Bel...
Here Is My 49er-centric Conspiracy Theory About The Patriots Drama
Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the lord, and it looks like Jimmy Garoppolo in a 49ers uniform. For the first time since Jim Harbaugh was canned at the end of the 2014 season, the 49ers have been fun, and interesting, and there has been a glimmer of hope, led by the concerningly attra...
There Is Now An App For Triple Crown Ratio Lines On Bad Tweets, And It Rules
You are familiar, at this point, with how this all goes. Some verified foof on Twitter gets something grandly, gratingly wrong and then it gets...noticed. We are far enough along in the online part of our endless civilizational deadfall that we even have a name for this, now: that Bad Tweet and its...
Yes, Yes, Give Me All The Good Patriots Gossip
The only thing the NFLosphere is going to be talking about today is this, so you might as well go ahead and read it now. For ESPN, Seth Wickersham delves into the escalating drama at Patriot Place, and hints that the dysfunction between Tom Brady and Bill Belichick has reached the stage where it’s t...
This Figure Skater Performs To "Turn Down For What"
SAN JOSE, Calif.—Figure skater Jimmy Ma just performed his short program at the 2018 National Championships. And about two thirds of the way through his performance, the music changes to a song you wouldn’t expect to hear at a skating competition—DJ Snake’s and Lil’ Jon’s “Turn Down For What.”...