f Page 1281 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Money Well Spent
The SEC has fined Auburn a quarter of a million dollars for rushing the field after the Tigers beat Alabama today:...
Auburn Beats Top-Ranked Alabama
The Auburn Tigers earned their biggest win in almost exactly four years this afternoon at Jordan-Hare Stadium, defeating Alabama in the Iron Bowl with a comprehensive performance ending in a 26-14 win....
Alabama Forced To Play More Than Ten Minutes With Only Three Players, Nearly Comes Back To Win
Alabama’s 25th-ranked team faced off against Minnesota in one of today’s marquee men’s basketball games, only to see its entire bench ejected after this brouhaha that, after another foul and an injury, left the team to play more than ten minutes with just three players. AND THEY CAME BACK....
Dwight Howard Fined $35,000 For Being Dwight Howard
Of all the dipshit ways for Dwight Howard to earn himself a $35,000 fine from the NBA, this is almost certainly the Dwight Howard-est:...
No, The USMNT Will Not Be Replacing Peru In The World Cup
Maybe you have seen this rumor circulating recently: Peru, the last team to earn their spot in the 2018 World Cup, might be passing a law that would disqualify them from participating in the World Cup, and like some dismal, shameful Christmas miracle, your very own U.S. Men’s National Team might rep...
Chip Kelly Will Replace Jim Mora As Head Coach At UCLA
Chip Kelly has been quite the prize these last couple of weeks, as he’s been courted for vacant head coaching positions at Tennessee, Florida, and UCLA. Kelly reportedly turned down Tennessee, and was said to be choosing between Florida and UCLA last week. Word came Thursday that Kelly was suddenly ...
Ah Yes, These Are The Orlando Magic I Remember
I am very glad I didn’t say anything especially glowing about the Orlando Magic back on November 2, when they were “good,” before they remembered that they cannot truly be good, for they are the Orlando Magic. They almost fooled me!...
We Have A Contender For Worst Play Of The Season
Son, we recruited you to Western Kentucky to do one thing: punt the football. And you’ve done a hell of a job of punting that football this season. But what you did right here tonight, well, you did everything that wasn’t punting a football....
Arkansas Fires Bret Bielema Immediately After Loss To Mizzou
Arkansas closed out a disappointing 4-8 season with a crushing 48-45 loss to Missouri tonight, and right after the game ended, they announced the long-anticipated firing of coach Bret Bielema. Arkansas had a two-touchdown lead in the first quarter, but they lost on a 19-yard field goal after a very ...
Miami's Return To Greatness Stalls With Upset Loss To Pitt
“The ‘Canes are back, baby!” many an optimistic Miami fan has hollered this season, unchastened by the countless times over the years they’ve chanted this refrain without it actually coming true, and unconcerned about the fact that few non-Floridians under the age of 30 have any first-hand knowledge...
Gifts For Parents Who Wish Their Kids Played Video Games Less
Some kids don’t have video games. ...
Baylor, TCU Team Up To Demonstrate Christian Values This Holiday Weekend
The first Thanksgiving in 1621 was held by religious fanatics to properly express gratitude to their God for a bountiful harvest. 396 years later, the holiday is recognized by football teams getting in fights with each other....
Marouane Fellaini And New Balance Headed To Court Over Allegedly Shitty Cleats
Marouane Fellaini is suing New Balance for £2 million in damages after the shoe brand prematurely terminated his contract, which the company said it did because Fellaini wore the shoes without the logo, which Fellaini said he did because the shoes were pieces of crap that hurt his feet, and the logo...
Washington's Shitty Turf Is Hurting The Team Again
It’s been almost four years since Washington’s slap-dick field cost them Robert Griffin III’s knee, and possibly career. Somehow, they are still letting things like happen:...
Tennessee WR Jauan Jennings Dismissed After Ranting About Team's "Lying-Ass Coaches"
Tennessee receiver Jauan Jennings was kicked off the team earlier this week after he went on a expletive-laden rant against the school’s coaching staff. Jennings has missed almost the entire season with a wrist injury, although according to him, he was close to returning for the Volunteers’ game aga...
Gifts For Climbers
Unlike many outdoor or outdoor-adjacent sports, climbing requires a lot of crap. When I just went on runs everyday, all I needed were some shoes, but now that I’ve been climbing, I need to maintain and prune a small army of very specific items. There is an essentially limitless arsenal of shit avail...
It's Conspiracy Theory Time For Cowboys Fans
The best part about a sports team you don’t care about massively underachieving is witnessing the accompanying freakout from people who very much do care about the team. The Cowboys looked pitiful in yesterday’s loss to the Chargers, and now a team that was supposed to be a Super Bowl contender comi...
Nick Fitzgerald Leaves Egg Bowl With Horrible, Horrible, Horrible Injury
Tonight’s Egg Bowl between Ole Miss and Mississippi State started off ugly and got literally ugly as Bulldogs quarterback Nick Fitzgerald left the game on a cart after suffering a truly horrifying leg injury that left ESPN’s broadcast scrambling to cut away. ...
Hello Darkness, My Old Friend
Boy, things sure are looking up for Jerry Jones! Here he is enjoying a Thanksgiving feast of a 28-6 loss and 434 passing yards allowed. Look upon his soul, or what is left of it:...
A Thanksgiving Tribute To My Chair<em></em>
Drew Magary’s Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Email Drew here. Buy his book here....