f Page 1404 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
LaMarcus Aldridge Finally Woke Up
James Harden and the Rockets got their asses kicked last night, losing to the Kawhi Leonard-less Spurs by 39 points. The Rockets’ teamwide refusal to give a shit is to blame, but so is the Spurs’ on-again, off-again star, LaMarcus Aldridge....
Rafael Nadal Owns The Dirt And Anyone Standing On It
Watch this guy here, the blond guy playing frantic, brilliant tennis, tracking down a lob for a whirling dervish winner....
The UFC Heavyweight Title Is On The Line Saturday Night. Does Anybody Care?<em></em>
There’s nothing wrong with Saturday night’s UFC heavyweight championship fight....
The Complete Guide To Understanding Australian Rules Football
Aussie rules footy! The greatest sport ever invented! Is it the same as rugby? Why aren’t they wearing helmets? Did that team just earn a point for missing the goals?...
Seriously, What The Hell Happened To James Harden?
It’s so rare that a star athlete puts forward such an unbelievably bad performance in a big game that observers immediately start reaching for out-there theories to explain what they are seeing, but what are we supposed to do with this?...
Report: Tim Tebow Could Be Moving Up In The World
On the same day the New York Post runs a cover asking “Why does God hate the Mets?”, they have this extremely related story claiming that Tim Tebow could be in for a promotion....
James Harden Comes To Houston To Watch Rockets Take On Spurs
Kawhi Leonard didn’t play for the Spurs tonight, and it ultimately didn’t matter too much. Jonathon Simmons started in his stead and rose to the occasion, scoring 18, while LaMarcus Aldridge led the team with 34 and San Antonio cruised to an easy 114-75 win along with a Western Conference Finals ber...
NBA Team Asks Kansas's Frank Mason III How He Wants To Die
The NBA draft combine has brought us such meaningful insight into players’ basketball skills as whether they slow down or speed up at a red light and if they know how many pennies are in a million dollars. Here’s a new one: how do you want to die?...
Goalie Momentarily Forgets Where He Is, Concedes Very Dumb Goal
Soccer is hard. There are so many other people on the field: teammates, referees, opponents, occasionally the odd dog. One can be forgiven for the occasional lapse. However, this howler from Ottawa Fury FC goalkeeper Callum Irving is a transcendent fuckup....
Sergio Garcia Becomes Eighth Player Ever To Ace No. 17 At The Players Championship
Sergio Garcia became the eighth player ever to record a hole-in-one on the famed island green during today’s first round of the Players Championship: ...
Here's Some Extremely White Shit
If you can think of something whiter than a college lacrosse team entering the field to an EDM track remixed with a Donald Trump speech in which the soundbite poorly aligns with the beat, spill it. Until then, this is the reigning champion....
FIFA Makes Completely Meaningless Ethical Stand
The U.S.-led North American bid for the 2026 World Cup earned 93 percent of the 209 votes in FIFA Congress today. In March, the North American soccer federations requested an exclusive window to begin submitting technical specifications, which would give them a head start in the planning process. Bu...
The <i>Real</i> 2017 Name Of The Year Is...
Last month, the voting public selected Boats Botes as the 2017 Name of the Year. Congratulations, voting public, on choosing a wildly inferior candidate for the second time in six months! The Name of the Year High Committee held a separate vote, as the committee often does. And while we could only r...
The Sabres Will "Host" The Rangers In The NYC Winter Classic For A Specific Tax Purpose
The NHL announced Tuesday that the Sabres and Rangers will play the 2018 NHL Winter Classic at the Mets’ stadium in Queens. Despite the fact that the Sabres reside hundreds of miles away in Buffalo while the Rangers are only a borough away, the Sabres will be the “home team.” The NHL said that the d...
What's Your Favorite Derek Jeter Moment?
The New York Yankees will retire former shortstop Derek Jeter’s number on May 14, finally making him a True Yankee. MLB has built up to this ceremony by introducing the Jeet 16, a bracket of Jeter’s finest moments....
The Giants Finally Broke A Very Sad Streak
The Giants narrowly avoided a sweep by the Mets yesterday afternoon, which would have been the second consecutive series sweep for them. A win is a win (and this one doesn’t change the Giants’ standing as the worst team in baseball by record), but the victory was notable for one astonishing fact: ...
ESPN Cleveland Radio Personality Fired After Saying Browns Players Were On Drugs
Yesterday, ESPN 850 Cleveland contributor Sabrina Parr went on daily radio program The Really Big Show and delivered a blistering take about how the Browns’ newly drafted safety Jabrill Peppers was going to fail because he was “on the lean and the molly.” Parr was challenged on her claims by her co-...
Alex Ovechkin Was Playing Hurt
This should not come as a total surprise to anyone who watched Alexander Ovechkin disappear for stretches in the Capitals’ seven-game series loss to Pittsburgh: Dude was ailing....
Oh Right, They're The Wizards
What’s that, you say? After two consecutive dominant performances at home, the Wizards showed up flat and dazed-looking for a hugely important road game and got their asses kicked through the roofs of their mouths? Why in that case, it must have been literally any time the Wizards have played an imp...
FIFA Did A Bunch Of Shady Shit This Week
There is a lot of corruption going on in the world, but not at FIFA, no siree. Since numerous top officials were arrested two years ago, and longtime president Sepp Blatter was ousted and replaced by the much chiller Gianni Infantino, one might assume that FIFA now takes corruption and ethics seriou...