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Asshole Pro Cyclist Booted From Race After Punching Opponent In The Face
German superstar cyclist Marcel Kittel got his season started off perfectly, winning the first two stages at the Tour of Dubai. He destroyed everyone in the opener, then took Stage 2 with an late comeback. However, Kittel did not win Stage 3 this morning, partially because he got clocked in the face...

Man Who Fatally Shot Joe McKnight Indicted On Second-Degree Murder Charge
Ronald Gasser, the man who shot former NFL player Joe McKnight in a Louisiana traffic intersection, has been indicted by a grand jury on one count of second-degree murder. The indictment was announced today by the Jefferson Parish District Attorney’s Office. ...

What Time Does 'What Time Does The Superbowl Start?' Start?
The Super Bowl is allegedly this weekend, and reports indicate that the contest will be played in Houston between the Atlanta Falcons and New England Patriots. ...

Fox Sports Hires ESPN's Former Ad Agency In Bold Attempt To Distinguish Itself From ESPN<em></em>
Say what you will about Fox Sports, they’re consistent. Over the last several years they’ve done everything possible to establish themselves as the off-brand ESPN, from bringing in trash enthusiast/flim-flam man Jamie Horowitz to run the show to putting failed dipshits ranging from Colin Cowherd to ...

No Team Shoots Itself In The Dick Quite Like N.C. State
“Did you watch that sweet Baylor-Kansas game last night? Frank Mason and Josh Jackson are the real deal, huh? College basketball rules, man. The tournament’s going to be so sick this year. Anyone could win!” ...

The Darkest Super Bowl
Drew Magary’s Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Email Drew here. Buy his book here....

How Do You Follow Up The Biggest Tragedy In X Games History?
There’s always buzz in the weeks leading up to the X Games about what insane, unprecedented maneuvers you might see. Max Parrot might try the quadruple underflip. Marcus Kleveland may go for the first quad cork. The 1620 is the new 1440. These promises, of things we’ve never seen before, are the rea...

Illinois State Football Recruit Kobe Buffalomeat Is Indeed Named After Kobe Bryant
Kobe Buffalomeat, a 6-foot-7, 285-pound high school senior offensive lineman out of Lawrence, Kansas, is in all likelihood the most popular Illinois State recruit in school history, and is certainly the only good thing to happen on Twitter during National Signing Day....

An Immigration Lawyer Explains How To Help Victims Of The Muslim Ban
Last weekend our president issued an executive order that indefinitely banned Syrian refugees, and banned citizens of seven assorted countries from entering the United States for 90 days. You don’t need strain too hard to read it as taking aim at an entire religious group—especially when the ghouls ...

Donald Trump Says Bill Belichick Once Kissed Him And Said "I Love You"
Mark Leibovich reminisced about a time he spoke to Donald Trump “in the fall of 2015” for a profile, and shared some of the incumbent president’s stories in a New York Times Magazine piece. There is one particularly fishy anecdote involving Patriots coach Bill Belichick and smooching....

Josh Brown Goes On <i>Good Morning America</i> To Plead For Another NFL Opportunity
Former New York Giants kicker Josh Brown appeared on Good Morning America Thursday morning for his first full interview regarding the domestic violence allegations—that Brown himself has admitted to—that caused him to lose his job as an NFL place kicker....

War Man
Of all of the bad things that Donald Trump might do to the world, perhaps the worst would be to drag us into a war. God help us if one of his top advisors turned out to be some sort of warmonger. ...

Paul Tagliabue Isn't Sorry Enough
Former NFL commissioner Paul Tagliabue sat down for an interview with the Talk Of Fame Network, and he wants everyone to know that he’s really sorry about that whole actively ignoring and downplaying the effects of concussions in the NFL thing—or at least about speaking intemperately....

Judge Orders Stop Of Some Deportations At LAX
A federal judge has issued a temporary restraining order telling U.S. Customs and Border Protection that the agency must stop enforcing part of the Muslim ban at Los Angeles International Airport. The order, issued late Tuesday by U.S. District Judge Andre Birotte Jr., did not address the entirety o...

Goodness, This Blake Griffin Pass
Blake Griffin just returned from a lengthy injury layoff to recover from knee surgery, and it appears that he’s been antsy to get back. He went all And-1 to scoot this pass in to J.J. Redick in the first quarter tonight, and thankfully, Redick hit the layup....

Here's Travis Scott Falling Through A Hole In The Stage At The Drake Show
Former failed basketball player Drake just kicked off a huge tour last week, and he’s playing the third of six shows in London tonight. He was joined by longtime Deadspin favorite Travis Scott, who promptly forgot about a bigass hole in the middle of the stage and fell straight into it....

Art Briles Drops Lawsuit Against Baylor Because He "Wants Some Peace In His Life"
Two months ago, former Baylor head coach Art Briles sued Baylor for libel and conspiracy, claiming that school officials lied when they claimed that Briles knew about a suite of rape and sexual assault complaints against football players. Briles also insisted that Baylor officials have actively work...

Roger Goodell On Trump, The Wall, And Muslim Ban: Football
When asked by the media about Donald Trump’s Muslim ban this afternoon, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell responded like Tom Brady and essentially grunted, “Football.”...

Jim Mora Didn't Appreciate Some Light Criticism Of Josh Rosen
UCLA head football coach Jim Mora is known to be a bit of a dick, which means he’s not the best guy to put on the air right after you’ve finished talking about how his quarterback, Josh Rosen, struggled this season. Unfortunately, that’s exactly what ESPN did during their coverage of National Signin...