f Page 3193 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Fat, Sweaty, Drunk Man Teaches You How NOT To Perform Standup
This six-minute clip, taken roughly seven years ago, represents my last performance as a stand up comedian. After watching for about five seconds, you will understand why....
Everyone Can Get Behind These Sedin Twins
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....
When You're Not Gay Enough For Gay Softball
Three bisexual men are suing the organizers of the Gay World Series for excluding them, because they occasionally like to have sex with women....
Drunk Coachella Guy Is Here To Save The Day
So, today. Well, good intentions, yadda yadda. It ended up being funny in an absurd sense, right? Well, here's a drunk guy at Coachella last weekend who can't quite figure out sandals or the concept of balance. This is not a metaphor....
Farewell, Peggy Noonan
The Deadspin part-time author is moving on with life/work. We wish her the best of luck. [Gawker]...
Ridiculous Rain Delay Proves Once And For All That College People Have Too Much Free Time
Florida Atlantic and Western Kentucky were mired in a rain delay of indeterminate length and decided to get a little silly rather than adjust their jocks and spit sun-flower seeds like those layabout MLBers. H/T, like, 15 of you. [YouTube]...
<em>Newsday</em> Sports Section Adopts Strict Policy Of Blowing Sunshine Up Your Ass
Newsday, a collection of tire ads that old people leave lying around diners in Farmingdale, is cracking down on any use of sarcasm or name-calling or "negative characterization" in its corpse of a sports section. To which I say: Brilliant idea, assholes!...
Kid Leaps Over Catcher, Compels You To Watch A College Baseball Highlight Just This Once
This is Brian Kownacki of Fordham (Royals of the A-10) leaping over the catcher for Iona (Royals of the MAAC), capping an eight-run comeback and performing a feat last accomplished by Wesley Snipes, when he jumped over an IRS agent. [YouTube, via]...
Ben Roethlisberger Suspended Six Games (Unless He Isn't)
NFL PR confirms that Roger Goodell will suspend the Steelers QB for six games, pending "behavioral evaluation" that could reduce/lengthen the suspension before the season starts. The question: Can he literally keep it in his pants until August? [NFL.com]...
Lawrence Frank Drops F-Bomb On ESPN's "First Take"
The old Nets coach is still new to live television, so perhaps he wasn't aware that he can still be heard even after a segment ends. Then again, Barkley's been doing this for years and experience hasn't helped him. [YouBeenBlinded]...
Last Night's Winner: Football, As Usual
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. They might have even won NBA or NHL playoff games last night, but who really knows? Let's talk about games that happen five months from now!...
Target Field's Urinal Problem
The early reviews for the Twins' new ballpark have been almost unanimous in their praise — almost. The lines outside the men's restrooms have been long, even longer than the women's. This makes no sense. We need answers....
Happy 65th Birthday, Shirtless Steve Spurrier
Right now, Spurrier is snorkeling somewhere down in the Bahamas. Judging from that photo, some lucky tropical fish are admiring his chiseled bare torso....
Who Is The <em>SportsCenter</em> Farter This Time?
During an impassioned discussion on the Cleveland Browns, someone on the SportsCenter NFL draft panel cut one, just as Mike Tirico began to giggle. Was this a laughter-induced fart or fart-induced laughter? Who is the flatulent panelist? Deadspin-I-Team, assemble. H/T Steve....
Shaq Lip-Syncs To That One Rick Springfield Song, With Puppets
Shaquille O'Neal loves to have fun, and fun is what you get when you mix Shaq, puppets, and Rick Springfield's "Jessie's Girl." The only thing missing is a Chinese man named Cosmo lighting some fireworks. [Ustream]...
The Mel Kiper Files
Yoni Brenner is a Shouter & Murmurer for The New Yorker and a screenwriter on Ice Age 3: Dawn Of The Dinosaurs. He gives you this....
You Ladies Should Always Take Your Husband’s Last Name
No time for tiddlywinks. Your letters:...
Football Players Get Themselves Charged With Weed Cultivation In Solemn Observance Of Today's Date
Four Louisiana at Lafayette football players were arrested this morning and subsequently suspended indefinitely from the team for alleged cultivation of marijuana. Can't we celebrate Jessica Lange's birthday without the law busting in? [The Advertiser]...
Sexy White Sox Bathroom Sex Horror Story Brought To Life Through Magic Of CGI
The story of Dr. Paul Nemeth inadvertently bringing his 6 year-old son to a live sex show at a White Sox game was the stuff of speculation. It left many questions unanswered, like "Did anyone throw their pants Mean Joe Green style?"...
Big Ben's Woman Problems The Result Of Stunted Psychosexual Development, Says Guy Who Writes About Sports
Ben Roethlisberger mistreats women because he has "deep-seated" issues relating to his childhood separation from his mother-figure. "I think Ben needs help," writes Mike Klis of The Denver Post, who when he's not diagnosing psychosocial pathologies usually writes about the Broncos....