f Page 3301 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Internet Paralyzed By Michael Vick To Buffalo Rumors
Have you heard?! Michael Vick and Tony Dungy are in Buffalo right now signing an eighteen-year deal worth $4 billion. Or maybe he's not in New York State at all? Maybe you're the one who's like....trapped in Buffalo, man!...

And Here Comes The "Pitino Is A Baby Killer" Hysteria
Shockingly, Louisville's pro-life students are not impressed with how their coach handled the post-restaurant floor mom-banging: "Rick Pitino was willing to take his own child's life in order to cover up a cheap, tawdry affair."[ALL.org]...

Golfers To Trade Cash For Gold
The IOC is planning to include golf and rugby in the 2016 Olympics. Finally! All of the world's best golfers can compete against each other in one event, just like every single weekend of the year. [MSNBC]...

Our Man In Boy Clothes Is Not Feeling Generous Today
Mike Lupica's ego is to sportswriting what Milton Berle's cock is to comedy. It is an occupational totem, around which colleagues spin fantastical-seeming yarns that just so happen to be true. Here are a few such tales....

The UFL Might Actually Be A Practical Joke
The United Football League unveiled its team names and uniforms this week, just hours before tickets went on sale for games you did not realize were taking place, featuring players that may not exist. Is this really happening?...

Rich People Golf While You're At Work
The PGA Championship is under way. Follow along with the online leaderboard and it's almost like being outside! (Your cubicle has never felt so small and dark.) [PGA.com/ShaneBacon]...

Donte' Stallworth Suspended For One Year
Roger Goodell dropped a very big hammer on Donte' Stallworth, suspending him without pay for the entire 2009 season. Goodell said: "Without regard to the merits of the disposition of the criminal case, I believe that further consequences are necessary."...

10-Year-Old Hero Closes Door On Jay Cutler Era
Ah, the wisdom of children! It was bad enough when Cutler whined and cried his way to a trade to Chicago, but he crossed another line this week by proclaiming Denver fans to be less than passionate boosters....

Petey Throws Five Innings Of Slop For The Win
It wasn't pretty, or inspiring, but he did end up with the win. And Charlie Manuel used the hillbilly logic to monitor his new, old pitcher: "Five innings and he was ready to be got." [Philly.com]...

What Does The NFL Shop Know That We Don't?
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Stay Classy, Cubs Fans (UPDATE)
So, yeah, this happened tonight. Maybe it's time to retire that old stereotype of Philly having the worst fans? The culprit identified, after the jump....

NBA Age Limit Continues To Destroy Amateur Hoops
Jeremy Tyler becomes the first American player to jump to an overseas pro team before finishing high school. He'll only make $150,000, but for an 18-year-old that's a lot of Slim Jims and PS3 games. [ESPN]...

Rick Pitino Deemed Unworthy Of Samford Law School's Leadership Luncheon
Rick Pitino was supposed to appear at a leadership luncheon in September at Samford's Cumberland law school. Now it seems the priapic boy genius will not be darkening Samford's door, for some mysterious reason....

What To Expect From "Hard Knocks: Cincinnati Bengals"
The Cincinnati Bengals are not quite the trainwreck they once were, but everyone is still hoping for some kind of entertainment value out of this year's edition of HBO's "Hard Knocks" docudrama. Don't get your hopes up....

Rick Pitino, Health Care Reformer
The coach's attorney says the $3,000 given to Karen Cunagin Sypher was not for an abortion but to help her buy medical insurance, furnishing America with yet another argument in favor of a single-payer model. [ESPN]...

Your U.S.A. vs. Mexico Open Live Thread Thingy
Fire up, gringos! It's like the original Mexican-American War, only with less malaria. The winner gets to punch Lou Dobbs in the face; loser gets to keep Texas. Olé your brains out in comments....

The Long Strange Sad Journey Of Lawrence Phillips
Former Nebraska/NFL running back Lawrence Phillips was convicted of seven felony charges yesterday and faces up to 25 years in prison, but he's already in jail, serving a 10-year sentence for another crime. How did it come to this?...

ESPN Safeguards Our Delicate Sensibilities
More inane self-censorship: "When ESPN replayed both of these guys [Lou Piniella and Shane Victorino] screaming their profanities," Mike Pesca notes on Slate's sporting podcast (the ego to the Deadcast's id), "they blurred or pixelated" their mouths. Fuck that. [Slate]...

Spencer Swindle, Eamonn Daggerpiece To Work For Sunglassed Lurker
Congratulations to these fine gentleman. The SB Nation is poised to become scary good. [SBN]...