f Page 3397 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
It's War, And The Fish Are Winning
From the folks who brought you Flying Fish Jumps Into Man's Eye and Another Teenager Attacked By Fish, it's Leaping Needlefish Impales Man's Nasal Cavity. This was no boating accident! [Practical Fishkeeping]...
Eh, Screw It: Jason Whitlock Is The Friendly, Outgoing Sort
Everyone's favorite columnist is just chilling as usual. This time he took some time out of his busy schedule to snap a photo with two women doing missionary work in Vegas this past summer....
Former Iowa Hawkeye Broadcaster, Kansas City Chief Ed Podolak Can See Clearly Now
"After considerable deliberation with my family and close friends, I've decided to seek professional treatment. [T]he people closest to me in life have convinced me that treatment is in my best interest." [The Pitch]...
Super Bowl Sub-Plot #5: The Strip Clubs Of Tampa
There are several key storylines that will beaten into the ground by everyone who covers the Super Bowl over the next week. We will beat them down even further....
Jeff Reed Is Getting Accustomed To His Surroundings
We're four days from the big game, and a certain Steelers kicker is determined to be well lubricated. "Neil Rackers would never be so ill-behaved." [Kissing Suzy Kolber]...
Buy These Toys For Your Pathetic, Neglected Kids
• Just go long: Even kids whose dads like to spend all their Saturday afternoons sleeping one off deserve to play catch, don't they? [Home Run Derby]...
Very Naughty Jonesboro High Dance Team Banned Until Further Notice
After their YouTube video, entitled "The Sluts Of Jonesboro," went viral, the Jonesboro High dance team has been disbanded by the school district. Here's what all the hullaballoo is about....
George Bodenheimer Reminds Bristol Of The Wintry Economic Climate We're In
This afternoon ESPN President George Bodenheimer addressed his troops via video on ESPN's corporate intranet to let everyone know there's a hiring freeze, no more raises, and "downsizing" and "discontinuation" are imminent....
The Super Bowl Does Not Want Your Erotic Fruits And Veggies
Our story so far: PETA produced a Super Bowl ad that featured scantily-clad women doing naughty things with vegetables. Somehow, Sean Salisbury and Whoopi Goldberg got involved. Then things got weird ......
Sabres Beat Oilers By Like ... A Lot Of Goals
Buffalo scored 10 seconds into the game, got another score 1:01 later and chased Edmonton's goalie after just eight shots. Final tally: 10-2. Ouch. [NHL.tv]...
Fantasy Baseball Just Got 75 Percent Nerdier
Because your child has always wanted to wear a sports coat and tie while playing video games, it's MLB Front Office Manager by 2K Sports!...
ESPN Voters Hotly Divided; Need A Life
Since I have absolutely no faith in the Worldwide Leader's abilities in self-parody, I have to assume that this is real. Un. Believe. Able....
Breaking (Not Really): Chris Mortensen Told The Raiders He Was Sorry (Really)
Remember when Mort refused to call the Raiders to confirm that they were being sold? Yeah, he quietly apologized because he was wrong. (And the story was also not true, apparently.) [TFTDS]...
About Those $9,000 Super Bowl Tickets ...
Yeah, in reality, turns out they're not going for anywhere near that high. And in addition here's some great Super Bowl parties you can crash....
A Pete Rose Tattoo Is One Bet You Can't Lose
• Hall of pain: Why not permanently enshrine a famous baseball player on your skin? You can just feel the hustle oozing through the open wound. [Big League Stew]...
Man Who Walked On To Court During Providence Game Jailed Without Bail
Upset brother, Jonathan Xavier, violated his probation from a 2005 drug conviction when he walked on court to yell at ref. [ESPN]...
All Eyes in Kentucky On Landmark Wrongful Death Case
Kentucky coach pleads not guilty in practice death of player. "They're dragging a very good man through the mud and I don't understand why." [USA Today]...
Super Bowl Sub-Plot #4: Media Day!
There are several key storylines that will beaten into the ground by everyone who covers the Super Bowl over the next week. We will beat them down even further....
Marquette Enjoying The Top While It Can
The Golden Eagles dispatched the suddenly terrible Fighting Irish leaving them on top of the Big East for at least a little while longer....
Fred Taylor Has Surprisingly Healthy Genes
Kelvin Taylor, son of perennially injured Jaguar Fred Taylor, made first-team All-State RB in Florida this season. By the way, he's in eighth grade. [World of Issac]...