i Page 7903 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
ESPN Ignoring Biggest Stories Of The Day (IMPORTANT UPDATES)
Without much trouble, you could probably puzzle out what the two most talked about stories are today....but can you also deduce why The Worldwide Leader hasn't mentioned either one? (UPDATES BELOW)...
The Agony Of Upkeep
There are many shitty things about growing old. But here's one of the shittiest: paying lots of money simply to maintain the shit you already have....
Michael Vick's Next Magical Kingdom
Once upon a time, in a land not-so-far away, he spent 21 months in prison. Now, he might train for an NFL return at Disney's Wide World of Sports. In Disney World! Everyone's about to live happily ever after. [Sentinel]...
Okay, Perhaps Kellen Winslow Is A Soldier
We've all mocked Kellen Winslow in the past for grossly overestimating his own bravery. But perhaps it's time to reconsider, given that last year, he had his testicles sliced open....
Mike Shanahan Shuts His Mouth, Knows His Role
Mike Shanahan will be the highest paid coach in the NFL this season, provided he doesn't actually coach anybody. Or talk to anybody. Yes, getting fired from a high-paying job is great work if you can get it....
Mutton Wins Again
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap...
Ben Roethlisberger Accused Of Sexual Assault
WTAE-Pittsburgh reports that a Nevada casino employee has filed a civil lawsuit against Steeler quarterback Ben Roethlisberger, accusing him of sexual assault. His attorney denies the charge. More tomorrow, obviously, when Feel Good Story Week continues. [WTAE-TV; PFT]...
This Little Furry Will Be Shaq's Reality Show Sidekick
"Ive been alotta place but being at the shaolin temple n china has brouhht a tear to my eye buddha blessed," Shaq recently tweeted. So he cried on the shoulder of a giant panda, and turned that frown upside down....
How $600 Worth Of Equipment Put Perv In Erin Andrews' Hotel Room
It's only a matter of time before the cops and Chief Inspector Don Chavez crack this thing wide open. When they do, they'll find someone who needed $600 worth of gadgetry and a penknife to screw with Erin Andrews' life....
Barry Sanders Jr. Would Prefer Not To Wear Honolulu Blue
How does the son of the Greatest Lion Ever feel about pop's old squad? "I wouldn't say a big Lions fan, but I support them." Support them? Kid, you're the biggest Detroit Lion fan there is! [NewsOn6]...
Actively Consuming ESPN Would Probably Help The ESPN Ombudsman
With the latest news that ESPN is well on its way to world domination, it would make sense if the man with the expressed authority to critique ESPN inhaled its media as voraciously as the rest of its core demographic....
Lawrence Taylor Is Easing Into NFL Elder Statesman Role Quite Nicely
"A lot of the guys will sit there and live football. Every Sunday they're glued to the t.v. watching football. I don't watch football. I'd rather watch two people fuck" [Sports Radio Interviews]...
From The Desk Of Gary Belsky: Altruism Edition
Gary Belsky is the EIC of ESPN The Magazine, which you probably know as the strange, unwieldy object wedged into your mailbox every other week. Sometimes, funny things happen at Gary's magazine, and employees tell us about them....
Goodbye, Local Media. Hello, ESPN YourTown
Remember ESPNChicago, the synergtastic "local" website built to honor the Windy City and maybe make all the city's media outlets bow down in servitude to their Bristol masters? It worked! Oh....and you're next, Dallas! (Cue "Imperial March.")...
Giant Inflatable Penis Owner Explains Herself, Giant Inflatable Penis
Many will remember this year's American Century Championship for Tony Romo's valiant efforts and Rick Rhoden's continued dominance of the tournament, but the big, bright shining star of Saturday's action was a six-foot dong peeking over Michael Jordan's shoulder....
Not Even Jay Mariotti Agrees With Jay Mariotti
Mariotti, July 15: "It's going to take time" for people to move past "the '09 double whammy of Alex Rodriguez and Manny Ramirez." Mariotti, July 17: People have moved past the Manny Ramirez scandal. [Mlive.com]...
Lance Not Livestrong Enough
Lance Armstrong moved to second place in the Tour de France this weekend, but fell almost two minutes behind his teammate, Alberto Contador. Oh, the indignity of the wingman, fighting for scraps as his "partner" reaps all the glory....
Michael Vick Is Free!
The ankle bracelet is off, folks! Having served his debt to society—give or take a few years of probation—Michael Vick is officially a free man. As long as your definition of "free" does not include playing football professionally....
And On Next Week's Episode, Buddhist Monks Become Shaqtastic
Oh, hi there, star of ABC's forthcoming reality show, "Shaq Vs." It will pit Shaq vs. Phelps in swimming, Shaq vs. Roethlisberger in football, maybe Shaq vs. Lance in cycling, and hopefully, Shaq vs. Ashton in Twittering. [USA Today]...
The Futile Hunt For The Source Of The Erin Andrews Peephole Video
Someone broke the law when they sneakily—and creepily—filmed ESPN's Erin Andrews naked in her hotel room and now amateur sleuths are out to catch the culprit and bring him to justice....