in Page 4124 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The Whole SYSTEM Is Out Of Order!
Oh, how nice it is to take a trip to the halcyon days of yesteryear, to revisit — again ... and again ... and again — our old friends Renee Thomas and Angela Keathley, the Carolina Panthers lesbian cheerleaders. (Honestly, it's so warm having them back in the news again, like going back and visiti...
Matt Millen's Discerning Eye For Genius
Whenever Lions general manager Matt Millen ("Fire Millen!") makes some sort of executive decision, we tend to sit up and take notice, if just so we can film it and send it into one of those blooper shows. Today's decision is the hiring ("Fire Millen!") of Buccaneers defensive line coach Rod Marine...
This Is Not A Picture Of Chastity Bono
Far be it from us to mock a guy for going back to rediscover his roots and promote the game of baseball internationally ... but sweet God, what has happened to former Reds reliever Danny Graves? When you get back from Vietnam, before you head to Indians training camp ... might we suggest a workou...
The Long Road Of Sean Payton
If you missed it, the New Orleans Saints hired Cowboys assistant head coach Sean Payton to be its new head coach. We feel somewhat uniquely qualified to discuss this hire, because, by pure happenstance, we've been following Payton's football career since we were about 10 years old....
Jake Plummer, Buzzsaw Soul Crusher
As we enter in to the biggest week of Denver quarterback Jake Plummer's life, leading up to the AFC Championship Game hosting the Pittsburgh Steelers, we feel obliged, as the only fans of The Buzzsaw That Is The Arizona Cardinals on the planet, to ask: How in the hell is this guy a game away from ...
The Final Wake Of Southeast Jerome
To, at last, close the book on our man Clinton Portis and all his press conference personas from the last year, the man himself has finally updated his personal Web site with a detailed timeline, with biographical sketches, of each fraction of his tortured soul....
The Pain Of Kevin Garnett's Adidas Commercial
If you're like us, you're thoroughly depressed by the Kevin Garnett Adidas commercials running right now, specifically the "standup comedy" segment, which makes Garnett look like, as Free Darko puts it, "the loneliest man alive."...
In Remembrance Of Lil Ronnie
In the wake of the Colts' loss yesterday, we feel obliged to give our sincerest sympathies to Lil Ronnie, the dope phat rappin' 12-year-old Indianapolis dawg, whose old-school raps about the Colts in the Super Bowl influenced some of the biggest names in rap today, including Doug Dogggg, the eigh...
NFL Playoff Roundup: One Big Idiot Kicker
• Ordinarily, we come down on the side of kickers, if just because we have much more of a physical resemblance to them than 350-pound ogre lineman. But it's pretty much impossible to feel much sympathy for Colts gakker Mike Vanderjagt, whose missed field goal yesterday was somehow the perfect endi...
Panthers vs. Bears - 4th Quarter
• Fullback Jason McKie gets the Bears into the endzone to make it a 2-point game. I'll be honest, I wasn't expecting this game to be able to hold a candle to the earlier game, but it's been outstanding. The Bears are going to need to come up with a stop, though....
Panthers vs. Bears - 3rd Quarter
• If the Bears want to win, two things have to happen. 1) Rex Grossman has to remain competent, and 2) the defense has got to make some adjustments. Giving up 290 yards in a half isn't going to cut it....
Panthers vs. Bears - 2nd Quarter
• John Kasay converts, and makes it 10-0 Carolina. I know it's early, but the Bears are not the Colts. 10 points is a huge hole for them....
Panthers vs. Bears - 1st Quarter
• Well, that didn't take long. Steve Smith gets loose in the secondary and the Panthers are on the board. It's 7-0 before a minute is gone....
Steelers vs. Colts - 3rd Quarter
• Ah, it's the annual Punt, Pass, and Kick competition at halftime, but Dick Enberg is going to make me wait until the start of the 4th quarter to find out who won. DAMN you, Dick Enberg. I have $400 on David Giroux to win the 8-year-old division....
Steelers vs. Colts - 2nd Quarter
• Nick Harper update: The knee he injured was not the knee that the wife sliced up, which I guess is good news....
Steelers vs. Colts - 1st Quarter
• Nick Harper is indeed in the line-up, a direct condemnation of Danielle Harper's stabbing skills. So, if you were a trash-talking opposing defensive back, would you go there? I'd go there....
Mr. and Mrs. Harper
Starting Colts CB Nick Harper is listed as questionable for the Steelers game after his wife allegedly sank a knife in his knee. The Colts, with more of the deception that Joey Porter so loathes, initially tried to pawn it off as a "traffic accident." Hamilton County Sheriff Doug Carter begged to ...
Redskins vs. Seahawks - 4th Quarter
• Hey, a 52-yard gain by the Redskins. All on one play. They are serious about cracking that 200-yard barrier today....
Redskins vs. Seahawks - 3rd Quarter
• It's official... Shaun Alexander won't be returning. Perhaps I'm crazy, but this doesn't seem like that big of a negative for the Seahawks. The Redskins aren't going to let anyone run on them today, be it Shaun Alexander, Maurice Morris, or Curt Warner. Now, they've got to put the game in the ha...