l Page 7898 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Floyd Mayweather Jr. Is An Ass Doc
While we're all still basking in the glow of that one horse's victory, we've NBA playoffs, including a Game 7, and then Game 1 between arguably the East's two best teams. In addition, there's a Nextel Cup race, NHL playoff action, and of course, De La Hoya vs. Mayweather. Punching each other in the ...

To Watch Tonight...
• 7:00, TNT. NBA. Chicago Bulls @ Detroit Pistons, Game One. Does anyone know who Ben Wallace played for last season? • 7:25, IFC. The Station Agent. It's not sports-related (even though that one guy does wear a Miami Hurricanes basketball jersey), but it's one of my favorites. • 9:00, Pay Per View....

Live From Churchill Downs...
I was under the impression that this thing would be run at around 5 p.m. Not the case, as it turns out ... NBC's coverage starts at 5, but they don't start actually beating the horses until around 6. Somehow, I had forgotten that that a 2-minute requires 6 hours of pregame preparation....

None Of These Boys Look Particularly Big Or Bossy
About 45 minutes from now, the Kentucky Derby will get underway, and Barbaro will attempt to defend his crown ... wait, what? Dammit. Oh well....

The Warriors Are Going To Win Everything
• You know who predicted that Warriors victory? NBA 2K8. [IGN] • You know who else did? This guy. And he's predicting an NBA Finals victory, too. [100% Injury Rate] • Something went Harold Reynolds' way in court yesterday. I'm not sure what, though. [Awful Announcing] • UNC's Marcus Ginyard delivers...

I Guess You Can't Be A Successful Quarterback Until You've Been With A Man
If this week has taught us anything, it's that gay-themed pictures of quarterbacks do not hurt their career. Above is Georgia quarterback Matthew Stafford and a friend getting cozy at a secluded, romantic little spot on the infield at Talladega. Hey, when the mood strikes, the mood strikes....

Today In The Premiership...
• Man City 0-1 Man Utd. The derby win means that Chelsea has to beat Arsenal tomorrow, or Manchester United clinches the Premiership title. I realize that this is somber news for the Manchester United haters, so I offer this as well:...

Bad Sign for Brady Quinn: He's Taking Joe Theismann Seriously
Brady Quinn's dreams had just been peed on for 4½ straight hours before finding out he was going to be spending his career in the high-fashion mecca of Cleveland ... I thought we could all forgive him if he looked a bit disheveled. Joe Theismann could not....

Meet Hawaii's Stank Football Team
Colt Brennan, quarterback at the University of Hawaii, considered giving up his senior season at Hawaii in favor of the NFL Draft. But he opted to return, because he wants three things: a conference championship for the Warriors, a shot at the Heisman, and some goddamn soap....

If This Continues, Darin Erstad Might Want to Grab a Helmet
Catching a fly ball against the backdrop of dozens of retina-searing white lights can't be easy. Every now and then, you're going to lose one ... and in such instances, you're going to stand there and look like a chump. It happens to the best of them. But that doesn't make it less amusing....

For Your Saturday Afternoon Viewing Pleasure...
12:00, FSC. Premiership. Aston Villa vs. Sheffield United. 12:00, ESPN. Today at the Kentucky Derby. 1:00, ESPNU. College Lacrosse. Loyola (Md.) @ Johns Hopkins. 2:00, NBC. NHL Hockey. San Jose Sharks @ Detroit Red Wings. 3:30, FOX. MLB. Mariners @ Yankees or White Sox @ Angels or Phillies @ Giants ...

About Last Night...
• NBA. Nets 98, Raptors 97. Our MVP and our Coach of the Year both failed to make it out of the first round. We need a new system. • MLB. Mets 5, Diamondbacks 3. Julio Franco broke Julio Franco's record for the oldest guy to ever hit a home run. Julio Franco is likely to do it again. • NHL. Sabres 2...

We Wish We Had Relatives Like This
• Saying goodbye to Josh Hancock. • The Bermanator! • Adam Morrison, raging against the machine. • The Seventh Floor Crew is now getting paid. • Joe Thomas' aunt rules. • Why do we still pay attention to George Steinbrenner? • Yes, we have a Comment Ombudsman column. • Mike Vick ... don't you ever c...

To Watch Tonight
What to watch as Sandman refills the litter box ... • Boxing: Heavyweights, Eddie Chambers vs. Dominick Guinn and Chris Arreola vs. Devin Vargas, at Las Vegas. Latter winner to face Henry VIII at London. [Showtime] • MLB: Los Angeles Dodgers at Atlanta [TBS]; Chicago White Sox at Los Angeles Angels....

Free Darko Playoff Pants Party: Suns Vs. Spurs
Even though there are still two first-round series still going on, the second round starts tomorrow. Two matchups are set already....

Well, You Don't Say
• Like many of you, we found the Bill Simmons lead in his new column somewhat curious. [Kissing Suzy Kolber] • Tim Tebow, lovin' the dudes. [Every Day Should Be Saturday] • WoJo loves the pretty animals. [Tar Heel Mania] • Taco Bell would like you to get married at a baseball game. [Awful Announcing...

Grow, Hooves, Grow!
As we approach the biggest horse racing event of the year, the question hangs in the air: Which horse will suffer a fatal injury on the track, inspiring new innovations in interpretive dance? We're going with "Tiago."...

That's All We Needed Was MORE Paris Hilton Jokes
So that Peyton Manning on SNL appearance that we all liked a little more than we were expecting? Well, turns out the main reason Matt Leinart fired his agents last week is because that wasn't him on the show....

Cultural Oddsmaker: Who'll Be the Next Newscaster to Send Rich Eisen Bikini Photos?
AJ Daulerio's Cultural Oddsmaker runs every Friday. Email him to let him know what you think....

We Shall Disappear Like A Nightmare Before The Breaking Day
We're everyone ... and no one. Everywhere .. nowhere. Call us ... Deadspin....