Meet Hawaii's Stank Football Team

Colt Brennan, quarterback at the University of Hawaii, considered giving up his senior season at Hawaii in favor of the NFL Draft. But he opted to return, because he wants three things: a conference championship for the Warriors, a shot at the Heisman, and some goddamn soap.

"We spent all spring with no soap in our showers," Brennan said. "Half of the soap dispensers are broken. How hard is it for us to have soap in our lockers? Isn't that something that should be a health issue?"

A janitor, on his own time, has tried to recycle the empty shampoo bottles to use as soap dispensers. But the maintenance crew remains understaffed, and there are only two janitors to clean up after more than 100 players.

It must be difficult having to recruit only players who manage to smell nice when they sweat. Do you know how hard it is to find a nosetackle who sweats pure lavender oil?

Brennan also mentions that Hawaii football players have to pay for their own parking to attend workouts, practices, and film sessions. He's racked up $800 in parking fines and towing fees himself. This should be fantastic for recruiting.

Brennan fires away at UH facilities [Honolulu Advertiser]