no Page 5037 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Papists Ruining Serie A: Blasphemy Now Suspendable Offense
Chievo coach Domenico Di Carlo has been suspended for this Sunday's match against Bari for taking God's name in vain. Next week: Luca Toni raps your knuckles with a ruler for goofing off during prayer time. [Goal]...

Amber Alert In Canada After Hockey Trading Cards Vanish
If an insured shipment of hockey trading cards is shipped from Newfoundland, when will it arrive in Ontario? Trick question; the post office will steal lose it. If you have any information, you know what to do. [UPI]...

Big Ben Photographer Speaks; GCSU Says No Comment
On Thursday, Justin, a senior at GCSU, snapped a photo of Ben Roethlisberger with a young woman. As with a lot of things that night, that photo's now the subject of innuendo and insinuation, some of it, Justin says, misguided....

Tim Tebow's Signature Will Save Our Economy
The world's greatest undrafted free agent held his first "official" autograph signing last weekend and since he's no longer an amateur, his signature will now cost you a pretty penny. Or $160 if you want to get technical about it....

Tampa Bay Rays: A Nuclear Switzerland
Will Leitch will be previewing/musing on every baseball team each weekday until the start of the season. You can pre-order his book and follow him on Twitter. Today: Tampa Bay Rays....

Simmons-Olbermann Feud Tweeted To An Unsatisfying Conclusion
Just so we're clear: The Sports Fella did not get into writing to respond to Keith Olbermann's response to Simmons's response to Olbermann's response to that one column Simmons wrote in crayon. [@sportsguy33]...

Last Night's Winner: The Boston Yankees
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like ad sales software that scored another big success for targeted online marketing campaigns. Because who needs Yankee tickets more than the people of Boston?...

Get Your Head In The Game
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Cranky Old Sportscaster Unloads On Congress, Curling
Beano Cook is an American treasure, and nearly 66% of you agreed with that assessment about two years ago. From his rapier wit to his extensive knowledge of the game, Cook deserves our respect. But, let's have some fun instead....

The Olbermann-Simmons Feud Is Getting Feisty
Wherever you come down in the Keith Olbermann-Bill Simmons blood feud, you can surely agree that the former just drew a helluva line in the sand by calling Simmons "the most uncontrollable, unmanageable talent in the history of ESPN."...

Jim Schwartz Pursues Free Agents Like A Deranged Ex-Boyfriend
How do you convince talented and (mostly) sane players to move to Detroit and play for the Lions? If you're Jim Schwartz you sit outside their house in the middle of the night and leave heaving breathing on their voicemail....

The Ron Artest Hair Odyssey Gets Cancelled
All that fuss over Artest's purple-and-gold, multilingual hairstyle? For naught. After letting Vince Carter go off for 25, Artest shaved the whole damn thing off. [Twitter]...

Canadians Also Win Gold For Synchronized Peeing
The City of Edmonton charted water consumption during the hockey gold medal game and found that the whole damn town apparently saved its "business" for the intermissions. [Pat's Papers]...

A Real, Honest-To-Goodness NBA Rivalry? Awesome.
Matt Barnes was in Kobe's face all game long (and occasionally, quite literally). Lamar Odom called Barnes "a monkey." It makes for a possible finals matchup not involving Kobe and LeBron that, dare I say it, would be anticipated....

Twenty-Year-Old PGA Loophole Finally Closed
The PGA and Ping finally use a little common sense, banning those square-grooved wedges that got Phil Mickelson called a cheater. This is what passes for controversy in golf now. Please come back Tiger! [AP]...

Stiffing Captain Lou! The Final A-HOLE BOSS DIGEST
Welcome to our final edition of Asshole Boss Digest, where we regale you Deadspin folk with stories of the meanest, cruelest, most batshit insane bosses, coaches, and teachers you ever had. Off we go....

Quarterbacks No Longer Welcome In Ladies' Room At "Millyvegas" Bar
According to a tipster, this sign now hangs on the door of the women's restroom at The Brick, one of the Milledgeville, Ga., bars visited by Ben Roethlisberger on Thursday night. I think it pretty much speaks for itself....

The Boys "Have At It," And NASCAR's Hypocrisy Gets Put To The Test
They'd suspend a pitcher if he intentionally beaned a batter. They'd suspend a football or hockey player if he intentionally tried to injure an opponent. So NASCAR better suspend Carl Edwards for intentionally sending a rival flying at 190 MPH....

Allen Iverson's Life Is Quickly Becoming A 12-Bar Blues
There's the divorce, and now, via a concerned Stephen A. Smith, comes word of Iverson's "well-known penchant for alcohol and his banishment from casinos in Detroit and Atlantic City." He's a hellhound shy of a Robert Johnson song now. [Inquirer]...

Pistol-Whipping An Assistant Coach Does Not Help Citadel QB's Playing Time
Quarterback Miguel Starks shared time in The Citadel's backfield in 2009, but those struggles are in the past ever since he was arrested for robbing and kidnapping one of the team's assistant coaches. No one is questioning his leadership now!...