The Diamondbacks Dealt Paul Goldschmidt For Peanuts
The St. Louis Cardinals became a much more fun team yesterday, and they barely gave up anything to pull it off. On…
Improbable Series Of Fuck-Ups Clinches Playoff Berths For Brewers And Cubs
The Brewers beat the Cardinals Wednesday night in a tense 2–1 game. The result clinched at least a spot in the NL Wild…
Everyone Thank The Marlins For Making The NL Playoff Race Fun
Things are getting hot in the National League in the final days of the season. After last night’s results, here’s how…
Kolten Wong, A Good Big Brother, Says The Rays Are "A Bad Organization" For Overlooking His Younger Brother
Kean Wong is a 23-year-old utility fielder in the Rays organization. He’s spent this summer playing in Triple-A Durham,…
Yasiel Puig Is Battering The Bejeezus Out Of The Vile Cardinals
Yasiel Puig smashed three huge dingers Saturday afternoon. The mightiest of these was a 423-foot solo blast in the…
Hustlin'-Ass Cardinals Plate Two On Two-Out Infield Chopper
It sickens me to acknowledge this, but the dreaded Cardinals made a very cool play in today’s game in Colorado. They…
Kolten Wong Was Rightfully Impressed By His Own Throw To First
With the Dodgers down by three in the bottom of the ninth, Justin Turner looked like he had a sure hit to possibly spark…
Rick Ankiel, Who Could And Then Couldn't, Might
We should begin with the important stuff. There is a league that plays at Louisville Slugger Stadium, in Louisville,…
Cardinals Rookie's No-Hitter Broken Up By Fire Alarm, Joey Votto
For the second night in a row, a Cardinals debutante starter took a no-hitter into the seventh inning. But this time,…
Daniel Poncedeleon Hurls Seven No-Hit Innings In Big-League Debut
Daniel Poncedeleon made his big-league debut Monday night, 14 months after a comebacker hit him in the temple in a…
Daniel Poncedeleon Will Make His Major League Debut 14 Months After A Horrifying Injury
Cardinals pitcher Daniel Poncedeleon will be called up by St. Louis today and start tonight’s game against the Reds,…
I Hereby Demand Several Large Jars Of Matt Carpenter's Secret Dinger Salsa
Matt Carpenter’s current streak of just absurd production started on July 14, with a double and a home run in the…
Chaotic Cardinals Season Continues With Mid-Season Firing Of Manager Mike Matheny
The St. Louis Cardinals axed manager Mike Matheny Saturday night, following an 8-2 loss to the Cincinnati Reds. The…
Billy Hamilton Cannot Possibly Be Human
Billy Hamilton’s season at the plate has improved significantly from its dismal start. Where he was producing an awful .…
Extremely Cardinals Report: Mike Matheny Respects Bud Norris For Being A Relentless Dick To Teammate Jordan Hicks
The St. Louis Cardinals are plainly, self-evidently enduring a period of persistent, chronic dunderheadedness. Nothing…
I Can’t Get Enough Of The Shitass Cardinals Feuding With One
Of Their Own Players
The St. Louis Cardinals are currently a pedestrian 46-43 and 7.5 games behind Milwaukee in the NL Central. But this is…
Dexter Fowler Seems Miserable Playing For The Cardinals
Since the start of Dexter Fowler’s second season with the Cardinals, he has hit poorly, lost playing time in right…
Noggin Bonked By Errant First Pitch
An unfortunate fellow was bonked in the head by an errant first pitch before Sunday’s Braves-Cardinals game. This is…
Marcell Ozuna Tried Way Too Hard To Catch This Fly Ball
The Brewers whupped the Cardinals tonight, and the Milwaukee scoring got rolling with a two-out, first-inning fly ball…
Adam Wainwright Is A Merciless Prank Artist
Skip Schumaker spent the first eight of his 11 years in the majors playing for the St. Louis Cardinals, where he was…