v Page 2938 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The Ravens' Torrey Smith, In The Safest Place Imaginable, Ran For His Life When The Earthquake Hit
Smith, the Ravens' second-round draft pick out of Maryland, was doing a UM commercial when the earth moved. Owings Mills is 120 miles as the crow raven flies from the epicenter of the quake, so we're sure it was intense. We're also sure that a wide open football field is precisely the safest place...
Leaked Emails Show A <em>Newsweek</em> Reporter Trying To Set A Picky Shaq Up With Some Girls (He Only Wants Rihanna)
As far as we know, Shaquille O'Neal—divorced a few years back—is happy with his comically out-of-proportion lover, Nicole "Hoopz" Alexander....
What ESPN Will Be Talking About Today: Special Playmaker Chris Johnson Makes Special Plays, Needs Money
A new feature in which we condense your morning SportsCenter to its essence....
Ohio Man Rams A Store With A Semi Truck So He Can Steal An $800 Synthetic Vagina (UPDATE)
Ah, Ohio. Home of the drunken werewolf and the teacher who sprayed cops with her breast milk. Now the Smash and Grab Sex Toy Thief of Lorain County joins them....
Sally Jenkins's Pat Summitt Piece Will Break Your Heart
Jenkins, the longtime Washington Post writer, is one of Summitt's best friends. She discloses that in her piece, which you should read now....
Go Forth And Spread The Good Word That Tim Tebow Is Essentially The Broncos' Fourth-String QB
"[O]ne highly knowledgeable member of the organization told me Monday, 'If everything was totally equal, and this were a competition based only on performance at this camp, Tebow would probably be the fourth-string guy. Kyle [Orton] is far and away the best, and Tebow's way behind [Brady] Quinn, too...
Watch LeBron James Hesitate For Three Minutes Before Jumping Off A Diving Board
To be fair, that board is pretty damn high, and probably looks much worse when you're looking down from it. To be unfair, this screengrab:...
Cops, 49ers Will Work To Make Fans Less Drunk After Especially Drunken Raiders-49ers Game
The annual drunk brawl between 49ers and Raiders fans took place this past weekend, and it was, historically speaking, more drunk and brawl-y than usual. In what essentially amounts to a timeout for grown-ups, both teams have requested that the NFL "indefinitely suspend" the annual preseason "Battle...
Pat Summitt Diagnosed With Dementia, Will Still Coach This Season (Updated With Summitt's Taped Statement)
Sad news out of Knoxville: CBS's Gregg Doyel reports that Pat Summitt—head coach of Tennessee's women's basketball team and the most successful coach in NCAA history—has been diagnosed with dementia. She's just 59 years old. ...
Albert Haynesworth Has Two Words For Washington
It's not "fuck you." It might as well be....
Favre Look-Alike Wasn't Trying To Fool Anyone By Wearing Favre Jersey Around Green Bay
Remember that guy who went to a Packers practice last week and impersonated a certain No. 4 known for gunslinging photos of his dong via text? His name is Kirk Ermatinger, he's from Ripon, Wis., and a Green Bay television station has caught up with him. Yes, Ermatinger acknowledged, he looks just l...
What ESPN Will Be Talking About Today: The Win Is Fake, But The Injuries Are Real
A new feature in which we condense your morning SportsCenter to its essence....
A Moth Tried To Lay Its Eggs In Matt Holliday's Brain
I think that's what moths do. I'm not a damned lepidopterist....
George C. Scott Can't Stand Colin Cowherd, Either
It's the combination of the Cowherd and the Arby's that really makes this so unbearable. Doesn't this just feel so familiar?...
The Twins' Ben Revere Is Half Willie Mays, Half Spiderman
Oh, boy. This is from tonight's Twins-Orioles game. We have ourselves the consensus catch of the year, unless Jim Edmonds decides to unretire and flop all over the place before the end of next month. Jeez. Wow. We're still all tingly inside....
Kansas College Suspends Its Golfers For Dongish Facebook Photo, But Team Captain Jack Hiscock Says They're Appealing The Suspension
Lindsborg, Kansas's tiny Bethany College—a Lutheran school, home of the Fighting Swedes—has suspended its entire golf team for three tournaments as a punishment for taking the above naked photo together. You can't see any dong in the shot, but it's there, under the golfing gear....
San Francisco 49ers-Oakland Raiders Annual Preseason Series May Be Eliminated Due To Crazy Fan Violence
"Raiders and 49ers expected to issue a joint statement announcing that their annual exhibition series will be suspended."[Via Tim Kawakami]...
The New Slogan For Tennessee's Football Program: "Opportunity Is Nowhere"
Derek Dooley over-kerns. Typical for Ten ness ee....
Bobby Valentine Has It In For Starlin Castro
Starlin Castro, the young, hopeful face of the Cubs franchise this season, pissed off Bobby Valentine in a game against the Cardinals last night, and nothing good came out of it—unless you have a general appreciation for seven-minute rants on five-second occurrences in the middle of your baseball ...
Idea For New Reality Show Featuring Barry Bonds Is 10 Years Too Late
So it turns out Barry Bonds is actually "close friends" with A.C. Slater, who got him to agree to do a reality show in which we get to see baseball's all-time asterisk king confronted by an angry fan who despises him, after which Bonds will have to try to convince the poor jagoff he's not such a pr...