w Page 5010 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Why Your Team Sucks: Chicago Bears
Some people are fans of the Chicago Bears. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Chicago Bears. This 2009 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group....

A Conversation With Football Outsiders EIC Aaron Schatz
My beach books aren't novels about Smith women discovering their sexuality, or biographies about forgotten historical figures, or leadership You-Can-Make-Millions-Out-Of-Your-Home-And-Here's-How. I read the Prospectus books....

West Ham And Millwall Bringing Back Old School Hooliganism
If you're one of those people who thinks that soccer exists only to support bottle-throwing riots, you're not alone. Supporters of rival London clubs were apparently way more interested in stabbing each other than watching their last game....

Jumpy, Confused Quarterback Will Lead Jets To Promised Land
Mark Sanchez has been named the opening week starter for the New York Jets. Defensive backs everywhere are already swooning. [Glazer]...

Escaping Ben Terry's Grasp Is Harder Than You Think
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap....

This Man Will Not Defecate For Less Than Your Annual Salary
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Keith Olbermann Will Show You "Jackass"
The LA Times mistakenly listed the MTV show in Countdown's time slot, though Olbermann's totally mature and measured reaction made sure viewers turning in to see Jackass were not disappointed. [TV Squad]...

New Bad Thing Happens To Comically Star-Crossed Organization
Johan Santana's done for the year: "The Mets said Tuesday that Santana will have arthroscopic surgery to clean up bone chips in his left elbow. The team said he's expected to be ready for spring training next year." [AP]...

Little League Pitcher Would Really Like To Plunk This Next Batter
Anyone turned off by the hype placed on the kids at the Little League World Series might find some solace in this live microphone catching a young hurler asking for permission to hit a batter. Yay, for all-access!...

At Last, A Carl Monday Video That Will Never Be Rubbed Out
For too long, the video of wanking correspondent Carl Monday's investigation into the activities of Mike Cooper's right hand has been subject to the whims of copyright enforcement. No longer. Here it is, brand spanking new, archived for all eternity....

Derek Jeter Lovers Still Consistently Loving Derek Jeter's Consistency
Relax everyone. Despite all statistical evidence to the contrary, Derek Jeter is still the best Yankee. Because Paul O'Neill told Mike Lupica he is. How do they keep it doing day after day for all these years? [Daily News]...

Cohort Of Talented Mr. Roto Allegedly Fornicates At Ben Hill Griffin Stadium
"I mean this literally. I snuck in to the stadium, with a girl, and fucked her on the goal line of the south end zone. Right below the goal posts, underneath the national championship signs." WWTTD? [IHopeTheyServeBeerInHell]...

Why Your Team Sucks: BUZZSAW
Some people are fans of the Arizona Cardinals. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Arizona Cardinals. This 2009 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group....

What Mysterious (And Heroic) Injury Is Tim Tebow Hiding?
Tebow missed practice! TEBOW MISSED PRACTICE! Something about a stiff back, which shouldn't be a problem for a running quarterback with weak mechanics. But it doesn't matter because he's a walking M.A.S.H. unit that you cannot keep off the field....

Apparently Joanna Krupa Is Not A Fan Of Ryan Braun's Fashion Line
At another one of those REMETEE events (remember: like "remedy" not "ream tea") the model-turned-whatever privately told one photog what she thought of Braun's creation: "It looks like Ozzy Osbourne threw up on you." [Milwaukee Nights]...

Why Your Team Sucks: Detroit Lions
Some people are fans of the Detroit Lions. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Detroit Lions. This 2009 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group....

And Now A Look At The Actual Brett Favre Goat Tied Up In The Lady's Trunk
Finally, you can put your photoshopping skills to rest — the comically cruel Brett Favre goat video has been released to the local news. Yes, the goat, although tied down, is still alive in these photos. [WCCO]...

Jets' Young Quarterback Still Has Some Growing Up To Do
On Sanchez: "You saw his eyes get big," Ray Lewis said, "and he was jumping around in the pocket. We gave him a lot of looks and disguises, and we confused him a little bit." [NYP] (photo courtesy via Smoot)...

The Ongoing Madness Of Shawn Andrews
Last summer, I did a story about Eagles offensive lineman Shawn Andrews and his self-diagnosed depression issues, but after a recent odd locker room outburst in front of reporters, I'm a little more convinced he's got some major problems....

Goats Are The New Mutton
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap....