w Page 5009 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Bengals Owner Will Not Tolerate Messages From On High
Banners trashing Cincinnati's front office were flying above the team's training camp, until the FAA stepped in — at the behest of Mike Brown. The man can't run a football team, but he sure can control the skies. [WhoDeyRevolution]...

You Keep Sending 'Em, I'll Keep Posting 'Em
These distracted young men are the Division II Colorado School of Mines Orediggers. Think your school can top this? Bring it on. After the jump, a very special bonus photo of some very "special" players....

This Is Why NFL Players Die Young
There was a very telling sequence in last night's excellent episode of Hard Knocks that perfectly illustrates the culture of "toughness" that ultimately dooms so many football players to retirements filled with crippling, life-altering pain....

Court Tells Feds That 2003 Steroid List Does Not Belong To Them
A U.S. appeals court laid the smack down on the Justice Department this week, ruling that the MLB steroid test results that keeps conveniently leaking to the press should have never have been given to prosecutors to begin with....

Patrick Kane Deprives World Of Potentially Amusing Trial
The Blackhawks forward pleads guilty to disorderly conduct and is ordered to apologize the cab driver he allegedly punched. So this whole sorry mess is behind us. Dang. [Mouthpiece Sports]...

Book Excerpts That Don't Suck: "The Sure Thing"
Today's excerpt is from Eric Adelson's book about prodigious lady golfer Michelle Wie, "The Sure Thing: The Making And Unmaking Of A Golf Phenom." Buy it here. And, of course, Mr. Adelson will field your inappropriate questions in the comments....

Why Your Team Sucks: Green Bay Packers
Some people are fans of the Green Bay Packers. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Green Bay Packers. This 2009 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group....

It’s An NFL Preview Pants Party With The Mighty MJD
This week's Deadcast guest is your old Weekend Daddy and editor of Yahoo's Shutdown Corner, THE MIGHTY MJD. (Listen here, iTunes here.) Oh, MJD. How we've missed you....

Come For The Golf, Be Overcome By The Noxious Fumes
There's a good reason that Liberty National is the most expensive golf course ever built (and the most expensive to join.) It covers up a toxic waste dump! The radioactive sludge makes night golf so much easier! [Forbes]...

Billy Gillispie Arrested For DUI. Again.
In the second-most embarrassing performance by a Kentucky-based basketball figure yesterday, the former Wildcat coach was busted last night for driving drunk, his third such incident since 1999. He told officers he was out golfing. At 2:45 a.m. [KenutckySportsRadio/Herald Leader]...

Hey, You Can't Park That There!
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap....

Big Ben's Accuser Is 18 Kinds Of Crazy
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Greatest Minor League Promotion Ever Ruined By Wrath Of Tebow
The Fort Myers Miracle planned to pay homage to that miracle-maker Tim Tebow tonight, but what happened instead? Try an approaching tornado, an aborted circumcision, and a cease-and-desist letter from UF. God does not take kindly to your mockery....

Scoop Jackson Loses His Mind, Again
Scoop on Brett Favre: "If he were a woman, he wouldn't be able to get away with this and still be respected, because this is not the behavior of respectable ladies...They have names for women like that." [ESPN.com]...

Lock Up Your Bike Racks: Deadspin Goes To Bristol
Although other overtures were made before, there's never been a better opportunity to touch the sun than this one: an invitation to participate in some of ESPN's 30-year anniversary activities....

King Bloomberg Can't Hear You With All These Goddamned Commoners Barking
NYC's "benevolent tyrant," adorned in fine lavender, at the Little League World Series in Williamsport, PA. [Bugs & Cranks]...

Ichiro To Drop Panties With Slap Hitting
Now is the time to dismiss any misconceptions you may harbor about about Ichiro's sexuality vis a vis his affinity for Griffey-tickling. Ichiro digs the ladies, and would like to call on those with a fetish for low slugging percentage....

Why Your Team Sucks: San Francisco 49ers
Some people are fans of the San Francisco 49ers. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the San Francisco 49ers. This 2009 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group....

Here's Some News That Will Depress You: The Reality Of $100K For Top-Tier Athletes
The economically-inclined folks at The Wall Street Journal have taken the time to quantify this sobering figure: It takes A-Rod 6 pitches to make $100k....

Poor Lawrence Tynes
The Giants' kicker was forced to show off his hamstring flexibility with The Rockettes (and Santa!) in the middle of the 6th Avenue to prove his knee is fully rehabilitated from last year. Coughlin's a tough sonuvabitch. [Best Week Ever]...