Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise
Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise
Illustration for article titled The Year In...Horrifying Injuries

So, the next eight days will be chock full of end-of-year retrospectives. We'll do our own as well. Today: Broken legs and face slashings.

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Let's be honest. There is only one reason that we pay grown men millions of dollars a year to play children's games for our amusement—the opportunity to see gruesome, life-changing injuries. I'm not talking about Tiger's wittle scwapped knee or even people who lie about motorcycle accidents. We're talking about leg removals. Throat slashings. Ball crushings. Even off-the-field beat downs and illicit shootings will count if I find them sufficiently amusing. So here they are: The scariest, funniest, bone-bendiest mishaps of 2008. (I'm sure you'll let me know if I forgot any.)

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*******

• DeAndre Brown did not know legs could bend like that.

• Martin St. Louis just wanted a little off the top.

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• Richard Zednik, on the other hand, will think twice before asking for the "Columbian necktie."

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• Derrick Rose does not have serious knife skills.

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• Joe Sackic needs a new snowblower.

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• Javon Walker should know better than to be in this part of town.

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• Clint Malarchuk should probably just be in protective custody at this point.

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• Oh, right. That guy.

• Three words you never want to hear come out of your doctor's mouth: "Testicle recalibration surgery."

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• Chris Snyder probably concurs.

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• Thank goodness we have a civilized sport like MMA to put a stop to this madness.

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• Even mascots are not immune to the threat of decapitation.

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• "We can probably leave this cart here behind the endzone, right? I'm sure it won't be in the way."

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• And the most gut-wrenching, queas-inducing, heart shuddering leg break of them all—Corey Hill's Mr. Fantastic impersonation.

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Ouch.

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