Today In The Premiership...

• Fulham 1-2 Manchester United. They exchanged first half goals, Ryan Giggs in 29th minute for United, and Brian McBride in the 17th for Fulham (America, fuck yeah), and played the next 58 minutes at a 1-1 tie. But in the 88th minute, Cristiano Ronaldo felt very pretty and scored her 15th goal of the season. The win gives United a 9-point lead over Chelsea in the standings... Chelsea's got a game in hand, though, as they're not playing a Premiership game this weekend.

• Charlton 4-0 West Ham. West Ham fired manager Alan Pardew back in December... Pardew then was quickly hired by Charlton Athletic. Taking the vacated West Ham job was Alan Curbishley, who had spent the last fifteen years managing Charlton. Today, Curbishley took his West Ham club back into Charlton's Valley, and he got his ass handed to him by Alan Pardew. Curbishley's won once in ten Premiership tries, while Pardew was won three times in nine tries. What's it all mean? Not a lot, really... both teams are likely to be relegated.

• Liverpool 4-0 Sheffield United. Liverpool rested seven starters after beating Barcelona in a Champions League game earlier this week ... it's a shame, because at full strength, they might have hit double digits today. A couple of early penalties, both drawn by Steven Gerrard, both finished by Robbie Fowler, put Sheffield United in a bad place early.

• Chelsea vs. Arsenal. It's the Carling Cup final, and I don't know if Arsenal should even bother showing up, since Jose Mourinho is so fucking great. John Terry and Arjen Robben are expected to be healthy for Chelsea.