'Whole Lot Of People Puckered Up' After Florida Steroid Bust, Says Comical Backwoods Sheriff

What happens when you mix steroid hysteria with two self-aggrandizing backwoods halfwits on either side of the law? This: "What investigators aren't sure of is whether Richard Thomas, 35, is telling the truth when he said ... he sold mostly to professional athletes," specifically those on the Capitals and Nationals.

Got that? They aren't sure, but they're more than happy to throw it out there. You know, just to see if anything sticks.

This emerged from a press conference Tuesday down in Lakeland, Fla., where law enforcement busted an alleged husband-and-wife anabolic dispensary and where, surrounded by seized syringes and firearms, Polk County Sheriff Grady Judd solemnly displayed for all the world his measured and thoughtful brand of justice:

"I can tell you this, there will be a whole lot of people puckered up after the morning news,'' Judd said.

The sheriff said when Thomas was asked whether he had sold steroids to professional athletes, he replied, " "You name the sport, and I've sold steroids to athletes who play it."

(You might remember the sheriff. He was the guy who, when asked why SWAT officers shot a cop-killer 68 times, famously responded, "That's all the bullets we had.")

Just look at the photos. Pills. Vials. Glocks. Trophies. This should at least remove any lingering doubt that the steroid crusade had become a new battleground in the war on drugs, with turkeynecked law types constituting a sort of women's auxiliary, happily conspiring with the likes of Richard Thomas to scare up a little publicity. Surely this won't present any difficulties. Guys like that are totally infallible, right?

Polk's biggest steroid bust shocks suspects' neighbor [TBO.com]